Rescued (Somewhat)

Silence is only agreement if you agree to be silent.

V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

UntitledSo, yes, here it is in a nut:

I was tranquilized and carried away by Honi security guards.

Yes, it’s awful. Yes, it could get worst. No, there was nothing I could do about it.

And then I was escorted roughly from the building and thrown into the back of a van.

Sorta like this. Only no free candy. Let that be a lesson to you: Kidnappers never give out free candy.

Sorta like this. Only no free candy. Let that be a lesson to you: Kidnappers never give out free candy.

Two of the guards sat with me.

I looked at them each, in turn.

They both looked away.

I looked again.

“Hey,” I said.

“We can’t talk with you,” one answered shortly.

“You’re in big trouble,” the other said. “Just wait till we get you to the capital.”

“Quiet!” his partner yelled at him.

The professor was undaunted, of course. “How come and why so? Why am I in trouble?”

“Because you had this,” and the one guard held up my jar of cherries.

MY cherries. The brute. The beast. The inhuman dirt-face!

But I remained calm.

Because that’s what real professors do.

The sudden, the van stopped.

There was some sort of commotion up front, then we lurched forward again.

“When do you fellows suppose I’ll be able to feel my feet again?” I asked.

A just question.

After all, tranquilizers can’t last forever, can they?

I felt like this monkey, only I wasn’t eating:


I was cranky like him, see.


Then, the van stopped.

We waited.

5 minutes passed.

The one guard looked at the other guard.

“Hank,” he said. “What’s taking so long?”

“I don’t know.”

Sounded nervous.

I began to whistle.

“Shut-it!” Hank said.

5 more minutes passed.

I began to feel my feet.

Oh goody.


“That’s it,” Hank said, and he threw the doors open.

Daddy Salami was standing there.

His orange hair was a mess, and his green eyes were bright.


“What the–!”

A fight ensued.

Salami won.

It was bloody. There were screams.

“The turtle curs,” he said. “Hahaha.”

That’s when Manly-Man peeked into the van.

“Hey, honey.”

“Well,” I said. “About time I was rescued.”

“Strange things are afoot,” Salami said. “And it has to do with yer cherries.”

“How’d you know?” I was surprised, after all.

Salami’s mouth dropped into a frown.

“He told me.”

A thumb in Manly-Man’s direction.

Manly-Man tilted his head and gave me a tight-lipped smile.

Then he said: “It’s deeper than you know, dude.”

PL Symbol


43 Responses to “Rescued (Somewhat)”

  1. 1 Nancy Loderick July 16, 2016 at 15:29

    Well Professor,

    Maybe it’s time to give up the cherries. Or find braver friends to help defend you. :)


  2. 2 L. Marie June 30, 2016 at 12:43

    Could something be hidden in that jar of cherries? Something like jewels? What if one of the cherries was a ruby??? That would be sweet.

    How nice of Daddy Salami to drop in with Manly-Man. The moral of the story is never get in a van that has “free candy” on the side.

  3. 3 Jackie June 30, 2016 at 05:29

    Silence is golden.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:18

      And easy on the ears.

      • 5 Jackie June 30, 2016 at 11:21

        That’s the best part of silence. You can’t see it or hear it but you know it’s there. Erm… Or something to that effect.

  4. 6 John W. Howell June 30, 2016 at 02:07

    Those cherries may be the death of you.

    • 7 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:16

      Send me a life raft, will you.

      • 8 John W. Howell June 30, 2016 at 11:22

        How about a gun boat?

  5. 9 L. T. Garvin, Author June 30, 2016 at 01:09

    Cherries? I have a thing for them also, mysterious or not. Cherries, salami, and a candy van, ha ha. Where’s the candy?

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:16

      You know, I’m not sure what happened to the candy! But look here. Cherries would go with Salam wouldn’t’ they?

      • 11 L. T. Garvin, Author June 30, 2016 at 11:51

        They would indeed, ha ha :)

  6. 12 FictionFan June 29, 2016 at 21:33

    “It’s deeper than you know, dude!” – Such a great line! Haha! I can just imagine MM saying it too. Well, I wonder what it is that makes the cherries so valuable? Perhaps they grant the eater superpowers. What a pity you wasted so much time when you could have been eating them – you might have been Antman by now! Wouldn’t it be tragic if Shnoddy agreed to be silent – utterly tragic. Devastating! *quizzical eyebrow*

    • 13 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:15

      I know you hate Shnoddy…but think of him like your conscience! (Iron Man hasn’t talked with his conscience in ages. There’s a great scene in Captain America Civil War between Ant Man and Iron Man… Okay, I”ll shutup about it!)

      But what if they’re poison? You try one first!

      • 14 FictionFan June 30, 2016 at 19:08

        I don’t need a conscience, being perfect and all. (*laughs* OK I’ll watch the dadblamed thing – but it’s not out on DVD till September.)

        *gasps* You’re trying to kill me!!!

  7. 15 Lady Dunamis June 29, 2016 at 20:37

    You’re too obsessed with those cherries. I think you need to put sell them on the Letgo app. Might do ya some good honey bunny. 😂

    Off to District 9 you go. And may the force be with you. 😝

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:14

      Letgo app! Imagine something working that fast. No! They’re mine. Mine! My precious.

      Hmm. That’s got me confused. Part of that from Hunger thingies right?

      • 17 Lady Dunamis June 30, 2016 at 12:35

        Yes. I should have known you wouldn’t have got that. You are such an old soul (compliment)

  8. 18 masgautsen June 29, 2016 at 17:40

    Darn now I want candy!

    • 19 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:10

      Cherry candy?

      • 20 masgautsen June 30, 2016 at 11:11


      • 21 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:18

        That’s the best kind!

  9. 22 Debbie June 29, 2016 at 17:21

    Glad to hear you’ve been rescued, Professor, though I’m not at all sure your rescuers intend anything for your good, you know. You’re probably better off without those cherries — seems to me they’ve been nothing but a problem ever since they came into your possession!

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:07

      I know. It’s all that woman’s fault! I say, good thing she has her head off now, isn’t it?

  10. 24 desertdweller29 June 29, 2016 at 16:28

    And THIS is why I’ve never trusted cherries! Thank you for illustrating my suspicions. Btw, Did Manly-Man really call you honey?! Who knew he had a soft side . . . Or perhaps he spotted honey in the van from their previous theft of all things sickly sweet. hmmm. And another btw, that van is the stuff of parental nightmares! Written in cherry blood, I say.

    • 25 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:06

      Cherry blood isn’t blood. It’s just tasty juice. Goodness. Now I feel like a cherry vampire. Done what you’ve looked!

      HE did. I wonder. MM is starting to get soft. We’ll have to make him tough again.

      • 26 desertdweller29 June 30, 2016 at 13:16

        Ah-ha! You ARE a cherry vampire!

  11. 27 Heartafire June 29, 2016 at 15:12

    What’s with the cherries…out with it!

    • 28 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:05

      I’m not sure yet! Well, technically…but that’d be cheating, wouldn’t it?

      • 29 Heartafire June 30, 2016 at 12:14

        I suppose so but they are making me hungry. :)

  12. 30 Susan P June 29, 2016 at 14:36

    Uh-oh. And you lost the cherries. And likely enough you will never see them again. Alas. Come on, man, do you have a plan?

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:02

      I’m working on it! It’s complicated, you know. Dadblameit. We need Sweet Sue.

      • 32 Susan P June 30, 2016 at 13:56

        I’m sure she can make time for that.

  13. 33 Simply Skeptical June 29, 2016 at 13:38

    LOL! So Prof. this tale in the nut has all to do with cherries? Sure. Glad your rescuers couldn’t be better than Salami and Manly.

    • 34 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:01

      Right? They’ll get me out of this!

  14. 35 PorterGirl June 29, 2016 at 13:38

    I just knew those cherries would be trouble, dadblameit. Should have eaten them on the shuttle thing. But then there wouldn’t be a spanking great adventure so hurrah! Hurrah and hey ho. Good to hear about your feet, a fellow could struggle without them.

    • 36 Susan P June 29, 2016 at 14:37

      He just never listens.

      • 37 PorterGirl June 29, 2016 at 14:39

        Some chaps never learn!

      • 38 Susan P June 29, 2016 at 14:52

        More that don’t than do.

      • 39 PorterGirl June 29, 2016 at 14:59

        *shakes head* Good job there are sensible types like us about to keep an eye on things.

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:03

        I learned geometry. *proud*

      • 41 PorterGirl July 1, 2016 at 15:00

        What a clever chap you are. I never got the hang of it *sigh*

    • 42 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:01

      Yes, you know it would be dadblame hard to walk without the feet. Feet are useful after all. But…they’re poison, I think!

      • 43 PorterGirl July 1, 2016 at 15:00

        I am very fond of my feet indeed.
        Poison! Gadzooks!

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