We Can’t Think of a Title

professor speaks

Greetings and many dadblameits to you all.

I’m technically and literally back.

Are you wondering what the difference is between ‘technically back’ and literally back’? If so, you’re not alone.

So am I.

And that’s exactly why I threw them both in there like that. All nice and smooth.

That way, evil persons can’t say, “You meant this,” or, “What you really wanted to say is this…”

See, I mean everything when I say something. And I say everything when I mean something.

That way, all my bases are covered.


I was away. This is a truth.

I was at a guitar camp.

Check out this rainbow...doesn't it remind you of me? Yeah...no, it doesn't remind me of me either. What's up with that?

Check out this rainbow…doesn’t it remind you of me? You know, it’s a double rainbow, like I’m a double personality… Yeah…no, it doesn’t remind me of me either. What’s up with that? Why can’t things just be agreeable?

Storm clouds!


That cloud triggered me.


If you’re wondering what that means, hey, so am I. Apparently, you can get triggered by literally and practically and technically anything these days. (See what I did there? Always inclusive, mind. I forgot ‘technically’ up above. Rats and a Heifer.)

Thus, I write this to you, dear TPL fam to inform you that I’m now back. And blogging right on schedule.

Here’s a pic of me loaded down with gear. I’d just arrived. #LongDay #That’saPatsHat


Oh, and the Pats will be playing soon! Get ready to ROOT. Since you all are honorary Pats fan.

*tribune salute*


90 Responses to “We Can’t Think of a Title”

  1. 1 Zee August 19, 2016 at 06:56

    Hey both literally and technically welcome back !😉😉

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2016 at 16:20

      Zee! HOW’VE YOU BEEN!

      • 3 Zee August 22, 2016 at 17:23

        I’m alright. What about you Mr. Professor ? ;)

  2. 4 walt walker August 18, 2016 at 16:33

    I like the shirt. What colors does it come in? Can Dick have one too? The “do your job” part though… It befuddles me.

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2016 at 16:14

      Well, it just means…do what is expected of you. Dick looks like Brock Lesnar. Are they brothers?

  3. 6 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 18, 2016 at 03:48

    Now you have mountains to enjoy and write Poetey about, Duketh. Very cool of you. Glad you had such a fabulous time. You have been missed!

    • 7 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:53

      I can’t write poetry, tho. So wickedly hard. How’s the new job?

      • 8 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 19, 2016 at 03:09

        The new job is keeping me busy. I am teetering on throwing my computer out the window about every other minute. I wear many hats at the church now. I’m technically technologically challenged and in charge of fixing everyone’s computer issues and I have to deal with the sound, projector and powerpoint issues…ugh. More than ugh, actually, but it is a great opportunity. Thanks for asking.

      • 9 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2016 at 16:20

        Don’t throw your computer out! Why would you do that? Wish I could help with sound, I run it at my church. Probably badly, but run it I do.

      • 10 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 22, 2016 at 02:16

        I would do that so I wouldn’t have to figure out what I was doing wrong, see…
        Wish you could help too. Come visit.

  4. 11 Lady Dunamis August 17, 2016 at 22:03

    You just had to take that picture of that lady like that huh? Rude and crude….😝

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:52

      You mean, trigglypuff. That’s real, you know. Haha.

      • 13 Lady Dunamis August 18, 2016 at 14:41


  5. 14 L. Marie August 17, 2016 at 19:52

    Glad you’re back, Professor! Was guitar camp wonderful and magical?

    • 15 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:51

      It was amazing! Lots of playing and hiking. But it’s hotter here in PA then it was in the desert!

  6. 16 walt walker August 17, 2016 at 01:08

    I see no evidence that that is a Pat’s hat, and I don’t know how you can be so sure either, seeing as how you can’t see it yourself.

    • 17 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:15

      Well, it was one when I put it up there. Do you suppose someone swapped it out?

      • 18 walt walker August 17, 2016 at 15:25

        Are you near anyone else? If so, do they have a smartphone? If so, maybe you could ask them to take a photo and email it to you so you could be sure. You would need to test it for evidence of photoshopping, though. I don’t know how you would do that. I guess we’ll really know.

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:41

        Walt, your standards area bit too vicious, don’t you suppose? I’m going to get you a t-shirt that says, “Do your job.” With a HUGE pats logo on the front, and a HUGE picture of DH on the back.

      • 20 walt walker August 17, 2016 at 15:26

        never, that is. never really know.

  7. 21 John W. Howell August 16, 2016 at 21:45

    I can’t root for the Pats as I must stand behind the Steeler (unlike some we know) Go Steelers. Welcome back.

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:15

      Now, now, John. You must pull for the Pats! Or else…no howitzer in the garage.

      • 23 John W. Howell August 17, 2016 at 16:18

        I’ll keep my fingers crossed when I say rah! Pats!

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:46

        *professor face* John, I need you to pull for them at least for one game. That’s fair, I say

      • 25 John W. Howell August 18, 2016 at 14:21

        One game. Against the Ravens

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2016 at 16:06


      • 27 John W. Howell August 21, 2016 at 20:47


  8. 28 Jackie Brooks August 16, 2016 at 21:26

    Welcome back! Good to see you.

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:14

      You too, Jackie!!!

  9. 30 Susan P August 16, 2016 at 20:01

    You look great! And don’t forget the onions.

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:14

      You mean for the yellow spotted lizards?

      • 32 Susan P August 17, 2016 at 14:17

        Of course. Have you been away that long?

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:37

        How long has it been? 10 years?

      • 34 Susan P August 18, 2016 at 16:27

        Too long.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2016 at 16:14

        I, the sudden, agree.

      • 36 Susan P August 22, 2016 at 12:57


  10. 37 Susan P August 16, 2016 at 19:35

    Oh good, we have a new blogger.

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:14

      Can’t I say I’m a veteran now?

      • 39 Susan P August 17, 2016 at 14:19

        I don’t know. You may need to take a lesson or two to catch up.

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:38

        Will there be any tests?

      • 41 Susan P August 18, 2016 at 16:27

        Tests and trials. Do you know – it could go till Christmas.

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2016 at 16:13

        I’m going to curl up on a bench on Christmas and watch the Krampus.

      • 43 Susan P August 22, 2016 at 12:57

        And then what?

  11. 44 Heartafire August 16, 2016 at 19:09

    Welcome back! I hope you had an exciting and industrious venture, and fun too!

    • 45 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:13

      I did, Hollie! Can you imagine those mountains?

      • 46 Heartafire August 17, 2016 at 14:45

        Here in the flatland’s I can only dream of the beauty or look at photographs. Thank you for that!

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:38

        Move up north! To the land of the Pats!

      • 48 Heartafire August 18, 2016 at 13:44

        I would not need to wear a bag over my head during football season…yay!

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:54

        Come join the Pats side! You know you want to…

      • 50 Heartafire August 18, 2016 at 13:59


  12. 51 Debbie August 16, 2016 at 18:44

    Welcome back, Professor! Guitar camp sounds cool — hope you got to meet lots of interesting people and perhaps impress them all with your mad skills! Surely you didn’t have to hike all over the desert in all that gear, did you? At least you wore your shades — desert sun can be mighty bright, or so I hear. Isn’t Mr. Brady out for four games??

    • 52 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:13

      I did have to hike with that pack! It came in handy, tho, for water, see. What a thing. The guitar stuff was fun! They were all surprised when I played a pop medley of classical gas. Such fun! Yes…but the backup is good…and the Pats will do fine, you know this!

  13. 53 Nancy Loderick August 16, 2016 at 17:18

    Welcome back Professor! We missed you! :)


    • 54 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:12

      Nancy! How art thou?

  14. 55 FictionFan August 16, 2016 at 15:36

    You meant metaphysically back. What you really wanted to say was virtually back. *nods* (Why do evil people speak in purple? Revealing…)

    If only you’d been wearing your leprechaun hat when you saw the double rainbow. You could have found double pots of gold, and sent me one. Or sent me both, in fact – that’d be better.

    Do you know you’ve got your hat on back to front? Or perhaps it’s your head. Maybe you’ve actually got an extra face in the back of your head… that triggers me!

    Nice to see you back – glad you didn’t get eaten by a yeti. So messy.

    • 56 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:12

      Oh, both of those! I meant them both, I bet. I’m evil? Nice. I like that, you know.

      But I thought you didn’t like gold… Wouldn’t you rather chocolate gold? I wonder if that’s a thing, the sudden. Ah, this Kenny song is beautiful… *dreams*

      *laughs* You’re triggered now! Well…my dad always picks on me about that. But it’s good for the hair. It’s on the right way, mind your manners.

      You mean a cougar!

      • 57 FictionFan August 17, 2016 at 18:17

        I knew you did! *spooky psychic face* You must be… only then you couldn’t be Rafa, ‘cos he’s sweet. It’s a dilemma!

        Mmm… yes, I would! Chocolate coins! Do you have them in Yankeeland? I had to wash the memory of Kenny away with some decent clarinet music… your admiration for that man baffles me, you know, you know! We must do something about it… *knits Prof a new set of ears*

        Your Dad is clearly a wise man! Though I admit it does at least allow your little kiss curl to poke through.

        If you can’t tell the difference between a cougar and a yeti, well, I despair! Yetis are the ones that throw giant snowballs! Cougars almost never do that. Perhaps your biology class will help…

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:50

        See, that’s just it. I can’t possibly be Rafa. I wonder if he plays guitar.

        Of course! I’ve always hated them, tho. Once, long ago, I was invited to this Pirate themed bday party. There were chocolate coins everywhere. You would’ve loved it. Oh cool! Which clarinetist do you listen to? Pete Fountain was epic. But he just died, which is a shame. Haha, I get compared to Kenny all the time when I play live…

        He’s the wisest man ever!! I do it because, the hair is usually mess.

        *laughs* If I can sign up! No one will call me back. I’m so mad about it.

      • 59 FictionFan August 18, 2016 at 15:41

        He does play guitar! But really badly, I think. You could teach him and he could teach you tennis!

        Haha! I would have loved it! Not just the choc coins, but the opportunity to wear a patch and say “arrrr” a lot! *laughs* You, of course! I fear you’re the only clarinetist I know – and the best! What?!? How dare they?? What an insult! You should jiu-jitsu them for their cheek!

        He’d have to be to put up with you lot! Hmm… chicken or egg?

        Will you be wearing one of those dinky little sweatshirts with the college initials on?

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2016 at 16:12

        Hahaha. Guitar is such a fun thing to do. But I’m all mad right now, ’cause I can’t practice. And I’m…just going to eat, I think. Yes, that will fix everything.

        It was a fun party! I had a sword, and a scarf. And a checkered shirt, I think. Me! *blushes* But there are great ones out there! Kenny’s my woodwind playing hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        Hm. What does this mean? *wracks brains for days and nights*

        Depends…if I like the college!

      • 61 FictionFan August 21, 2016 at 21:20

        Why not? Because of your injuries? *shakes head despairingly*

        Did you board enemy vessels and plunder them? Isn’t plunder a wonderful word? It doesn’t get used often enough, I think. Kenny! We must do something about this – I shall start a hunt for a new hero for you immediately…

        Well… see… is the cap there to hide the messy hair, or is the hair messy because of the cap? These are the questions you must ask yourself…

        You will!

  15. 62 Freakishly Fangirlish August 16, 2016 at 15:02

    Is that football? I refuse to root for anyone… except my little brother’s freshman team!! *gets out rubber hand and bullhorn* WHOOOHOOOOO

    • 63 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:11

      No, plllllllllllease! You must root for the Pats!

      • 64 Freakishly Fangirlish August 17, 2016 at 16:00

        Hmm… well. Of course. I will accept bribes.

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:46

        New YA books?

      • 66 Freakishly Fangirlish August 18, 2016 at 21:40

        Hmm.. I was thinking more along the lines of coffee or bunnies…

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2016 at 16:18

        I wonder if bunnies drink coffee.

      • 68 Freakishly Fangirlish August 21, 2016 at 16:34

        I doubt it. She loves bananas and lettuce though.

  16. 69 desertdweller29 August 16, 2016 at 14:44

    Welcome back! Technically and literally, as well as all that dadblametry. Now I’m curious…what was guitar camp like? Who got to play first around the campfire? I imagine the professor did. Did you have an arsenal of marshmallows in case someone rascal got out of line?

    • 70 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:10

      I actually played last, I think. Or close to it. Somewhere in the middle. I always get middle duty. Which is fine. They were all playing classical stuff…and I did this pop medley! I felt so out of place. *blushes* No marshmallows, can you believe.

      • 71 desertdweller29 August 17, 2016 at 15:38

        You playing a pop medley when everyone does something obvious is awesome! That’ll teach ’em!

        Feeling out of place, away from place, is a great place to be, I say. It means you grew…like that crazy weed you used to post pics of way back when. I’m proud of you, Prof.

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:45

        The audience loved it! But some of the teachers…I think they hated me, haha.

        *smiles bigly* I always wanted to be that weed, too! So, was it a good thing overall, then?

      • 73 desertdweller29 August 18, 2016 at 15:07

        That’s perfect! Please your audience, not your teachers, I say. Such know-it-alls those teachers!

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2016 at 16:07

        I’ll even choke them out doubly!

  17. 75 Haylee August 16, 2016 at 14:36

    Ooh, I’ve just asked you on my post if there would be pictures, so hurrah!! And double rainbows are marvellous so bonus points for that. More desert shots please! Did you have to hike with your guitar? Was it extreme guitaring, like extreme ironing when they do it on top of a cliff?

    • 76 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:09

      Luckily, no! I’d have died if I had to hike with the guitar. So, this one place I went to, Angel’s Landing, was, like, 3 miles up. 3,000 foot drops on both sides. A small 3 foot path to walk across. Sometimes there was a chain to hang onto, since there was nothing else! People die there every so often, I heard. What a thing. It was scary!

      • 77 Haylee August 17, 2016 at 15:26

        It sounds all kinds of awesome – You’re very brave! As much as I’d love to see more photos, I hope you didn’t take any daredevil, risky selfies. I think you should do a duet video with Bear Grylls – you can teach him guitar and he can teach you how to survive on…erm…elephant droppings…

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:42

        Elephant droppings? That would kill us! I’ve got plenty more pics if you want to see them, of course. But you take way better pics, you know.

      • 79 Haylee August 18, 2016 at 14:30

        You’re far too kind, I think I just get lucky. But I love to see people’s travel pics, especially when it’s to places we have nothing the like of in the UK (although we do officially have one desert). As for the elephant thing – saw him do it the other night on TV and he was fiiiiiiine!

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2016 at 16:06

        Oh no, I’m awful! Wait…you have a desert? Where? Why? When?

      • 81 Haylee August 21, 2016 at 16:43

        Oh, it’s not a cool desert, with cactus and scorpions. Actually, it IS a cool desert… Hmm… It’s not a hot desert. Weirdly, it’s a beach headland but the little rainfall qualifies it as a desert. Although some people refute this. Useless UK fact no. 115 😊

  18. 82 PorterGirl August 16, 2016 at 13:53

    Fabulous to have you back, Professor! And what a super hat you have there. Very fetching.

    • 83 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:08

      That is the great Pats hat! Almost Pats season, see.

      • 84 PorterGirl August 17, 2016 at 14:09

        Exciting times! No doubt they will beat everyone and be sporting heroes. With great hats.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke August 17, 2016 at 14:16

        Helmets, you mean. They wear helmets on the field. Like knight helmets.

      • 86 PorterGirl August 17, 2016 at 14:20

        Like proper warriors! Fabulous.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2016 at 13:38

        We should get a militia together.

      • 88 PorterGirl August 18, 2016 at 15:29

        Brilliant idea. If there is one thing I love, it’s militias.

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2016 at 16:08

        They’re are quite top.

      • 90 PorterGirl August 21, 2016 at 16:53

        *nods* Everyone should have one.

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Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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