The professor Fights

“Look here,” I said, and I must admit my frustration was growing lots and lots, “I’d like to rent this book.”

“Can’t,” she said.


“Because this particular book only has the buy option.”

This professor was standing in a bookstore on a college campus. Let me tell you now–like right now–college books are very expensive. And renting college books is expensive.

Just a little less expensive.

So, I tried from a different angle.

“Check this out, the sudden,” I said, “this book is called ‘The Life, Death & In-Between Space of Dr. Lewis Dayton Clark.'”

“So?” And she pursed her purple lips together (I don’t think they were natural, mind) and put her hands on her hips.

“So,” I concluded, “it follows that no one wants to buy a book about the in-between space of Dr. Lewis Dayton Clark. Therefore, it must be available only to rent.”

There were a few chaps that started to laugh behind me.

The girl pointed a finger in my direction. “You have an attitude. I’m getting the manager.”

And she flounced off.

I left, of course. With the book.

But I ran into the manager and the girl outside.

The manager chap, I must say, was a bit puffy and fat. He was eating something. Must’ve been interrupted. He was cranky, too. Red cheeks, see.

“YOU!” he bellowed. “You’re not allowed to rent that book!”

And he tried to snatch it from my hands.

But this professor being quicker than a snake swimming around in an ice pond, snatched it away before he could gain possession of it.

Check it out! Snake on an ice pond. See, kids, I DO NOT make this stuff up.

Check it out! Snake on an ice pond. See, kids, I DO NOT make this stuff up.

“Look here,” I said, “look here right now, you puffy, ignorant Yucketh!”

That took him–and her–aback.

“I happen to be a professor. The professor. I told my students they could rent this book. And you…YOU! You dare?! I shall turn you both in to the Union at once.”

So, that’s when everything went downhill.

They didn’t exactly buy my story and I didn’t exactly buy the book.


Introducing my new spirit animal!


99 Responses to “The professor Fights”

  1. 1 Ms. Vee November 12, 2016 at 03:30

    Hi Professor,
    Where have you been?

  2. 34 Nancy Loderick October 11, 2016 at 16:47

    Well Professor,

    I want to read more about your spirit animal! Maybe you should him to sneak into the bookstore and get your book. The stupid manager and clerk will be so surprised by the animal they won’t notice that he took the book!


  3. 36 L. Marie October 3, 2016 at 15:57

    I’m glad you stood your ground at least. Um, interesting spirit animal. It looks feisty.

  4. 38 Lady Dunamis September 29, 2016 at 20:52

    So now you are into stealing! Mind you leaving without purchasing or renting is thievery at its finest.

    P.S. I killed a little snake that got into my apartment. Didn’t know I had it in me. I am a warrior! ⚔️

  5. 44 Debbie September 28, 2016 at 19:29

    Stirring up trouble again, I see. Professor, you’re an instigator! Some colleges rent textbooks; others make you buy them. Either way, it’s expensive (unless, like Holly said, you can get somebody taking the class after you to buy it used). Some try to get away with not buying the books at all, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Too hard to study if you’re sharing books. As for your spirit animal, he looks rather like he has a skin disease that’s causing him to lose his hair. I’d recommend he see a dermatologist.

  6. 48 HotBottoms September 26, 2016 at 22:36

    So enjoying lunch when a water snake swam between my legs and under the canoe. There followed a conversation about why there weren’t snakes in Finland. “Too bloody cold”, says I, never tiring of being wrong.

  7. 50 Freakishly Fangirlish September 24, 2016 at 22:28

    My spirit animal is a sea cucumber. They’re pretty much a weapon.

  8. 52 Freakishly Fangirlish September 24, 2016 at 22:27

    Ewwww college. Even with all the scholarships, the price of books is going to kill me!!! *dies*

  9. 54 FictionFan September 24, 2016 at 21:06

    You, sir, are a dadblamed troublemaker! #hurrah Now, see, tragically I think that’s a totally intriguing title and I now want to read the book! It must be a murder mystery, eh? The question is whodunit? I suspect the wife – it’s nearly always the wife, except when it’s the husband. The in-between space is probably the rat-infested dungeon she held him in before she killed him by making him do excessive amounts of calculus homework… *shudders*

    Maybe her purple lips are natural – she could be an alien, infiltrating Pittsboig as a first-step in world domination. You should report her to the FBI just in case…

  10. 77 Heartafire September 24, 2016 at 16:01

    I used to buy college books and then sell them to the incoming students. Always have a plan! :)

  11. 79 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 24, 2016 at 14:55

    I have a spirit animal, as well. It’s the…
    Go easy on’em , Duke. They don’t like books much either, you know. I happen to want to own most.

  12. 93 Haylee September 24, 2016 at 11:05

    Your new spirit animal is rather cute – especially the fact that its tusks look like it has some well groomed cheek whiskers. Educational books are extortionate, they should have plastic pages so you can write notes in them, wipe clean and pass on.
    On a separate note, I think I’ll start tagging my posts like you do: ‘death to heathens’ and ‘purple lips’ were particular favourites!

  13. 95 progbeawr831 September 24, 2016 at 03:51

    May I suggest a soundtrack to your endeavours with your new spirit animal..
    It’s my music and I think it will serve your journeys well and perhaps have you indulge in some peanut butter and hard boiled egg delights now and then as I do.
    Then whilst enrobed in the finest of silk and brandy perhaps searching one’s soul for the next adventure and your spirit animal lays in wait flipping through your Frank Zappa albums pondering the cover to Ship Arriving too Late to Save a Drowning Witch you could ponder the pages of this please…
    Yes I am being shameless in promoting myself but as we share the same name I feel kindred in knowing that those eggs won’t go to waste and the brandy will wash down the awful truth that Monday’s bring upon a mid winter’s morn…. wait what? Isn’t it your turn to do the dishes?

  14. 99 walt walker September 24, 2016 at 02:05

    I think you really showed lots of people in this one. Well done, Old Sport.

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
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12. Rats and a Heifer
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14. A bit, bits, and little bits
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16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
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