Important Things

So, yes, it’s Christmas this week.

Like in two days.

Maybe it was nine. I really can’t recall. (Don’t laugh. When you get my age, this sort of thing starts to happen. That’s what I’ve been told, though. How age affects the mind is still a mystery. But it does.)

Now, here’s the thing:

I’ve decided to announce a few things of importance.

First off, the Patriots won the AFC East. Again.


Steelers deflate balls, too.

Second, it’s the season of the Krampus.


This excites me lots and lots.


They say the best way to get the Krampus to pay a visit is to insult his brother, Santa Claus.

This doesn’t work.

I’ve tried.

Thirdly, and lastly…

…well, I did have something, but I forget what it was.

I’m old, remember.

Oh I remember!

Merry Christmas, everyone! Make sure to eat a few cookies for me.


82 Responses to “Important Things”

  1. 1 The Little Mermaid December 25, 2016 at 14:34

    Merry Christmas, Professor! :)

  2. 3 Lady Dunamis December 23, 2016 at 16:16

    I have eaten one chocolate cookie 🍪 and one brownie and I had a few slices of red velvet cake. And I am making some brownies. Sweet quota complete.

  3. 7 Lucy Brazier December 20, 2016 at 07:12

    A very Merry Christmas to you, dear Professor, and all the Punchies too! I am munching cookies as we speak. Hurrah!

  4. 28 Desert Dweller December 20, 2016 at 00:41

    Merry Christmas, Krampus! I mean, Professor! It’s a good thing I don’t like gingerbread cookies. Those are scary enough without the flames…and live thing…and the crazy eyes… whew!

  5. 30 FictionFan December 19, 2016 at 23:28

    Happy New Year, have a great birthday and Happy Thanksgiving! There, that should cover it till your next visit! Oh, and Merry Christmas, Prof!

  6. 39 Debbie December 19, 2016 at 21:25

    Merry Christmas, Professor (and if you’re absent from these parts long enough, Happy New Year, too!). Your Pats are very much like Saban’s Alabama — y’all win so much that it hardly commands news-space any more! Maybe you ought to TRY losing once, just so you’ll know what it feels like, you know.

    Do you realize I haven’t made my Christmas cookies yet?? Yikes, and the dadblame things are so time-consuming that I’d better remedy that soon or I won’t have any when Christmas shows up.

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2016 at 19:24

      I tried to tell them that, but they wouldn’t listen. They keep on winning and winning and winning. I think they should play Alabama, then. You know, assert their dominance. That’d be a thing.

      Oh dear! You must hurry! There’s like 2 days.

  7. 41 Haylee December 19, 2016 at 21:22

    Is that an actual scene from the Krampus? I almost watched it yesterday but went with another option. Now I’m annoyed I made the wrong choice!
    Merry a Chrimble (the ‘a’ wasn’t meant to be there, it autocorrected but I like it. Makes it sound kind of Dickensian…) Oh, and it HAS to be mince pies, not cookies. Pfft! But I shall eat many, never fear :D

    • 42 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2016 at 19:23

      It is! You should’ve watched it! Really brilliant. I like to think I’m like that gingerbread fellow. What did you watch instead?

      Chrimble…what is this foul word you speak of? Mince pies sound interesting… I’ll take 2, please.

      • 43 Haylee December 20, 2016 at 20:08

        Chrimble is a fantastic word – you can’t comment with your wild variety of vocabulary!!
        We watched David Brent (mainly as we’re fans of The Office… although I preferred the American version). It was… ok. I shall try and fit in the Krampus before Sunday. You need to watch Rare Exports.

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke January 3, 2017 at 19:26

        But my vocabs all comes from the dictionary, of course. And the saurus thing, or whatever it’s called.

        Did you watch it? Ooo…what’s Rare Exports? Do not say me. I’m actually an import.

      • 45 Haylee January 3, 2017 at 21:23

        You can’t tell me that dadblameit is in the dictionary (not as an entire word anyway!)
        Hmmm… you already know my Krampus opinion (sorry!) Rare Exports is a horror – about the ‘real’ story behind Father Christmas. Odd, quirky and Finnish I think.
        Where were you imported from? Did you arrive with marmalade sandwiches and a label, like Paddington?!

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2017 at 16:18

        You know, I thought it was when I first used it! That must count somehow.

        And Finnish? What’s Finnish mean? That sounds scary, I must admit.

        *laughs* I was imported from a corner.

      • 47 Haylee January 6, 2017 at 18:55

        The naughty corner!
        Finnish – as in ‘from Finland’. Those Nordic types can be very scary. Vikings!!

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke January 9, 2017 at 15:27

        Oh, I love vikings. I belong in the naughty corner. In fact, most vikings do, you see.

  8. 49 Susan P December 19, 2016 at 21:05

    Merry merry, merry, And then some more.

  9. 69 John W. Howell December 19, 2016 at 20:56

    Merry Christmas, Professor. Happy New year as well.

  10. 73 MissTiffany December 19, 2016 at 19:50

    Merry Christmas to you too, Professor! (and I do believe it is 6 days til Christmas). And I’ll tell you, the best way to get the Krampus to visit is to be very naughty, like insulting the genius of Jane Austen, for example.

    I have already eaten 2 cookies today. I intend to eat many more as Christmas gets closer. (they might be my weakness).

    Thank you for these important things!

    • 74 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2016 at 19:19

      No, it’s not! It’s five. (I counted this time.) So I win. #win

      But I’ve done that over and over and he never shows up! Do you know if he comes on the 24th?

      Same here. We must put a ban on cookies. I can’t afford to eat thousands and thousands of cookies.

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Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous

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