Important Things

Published December 19, 2016 From the professor's Life... 82 Comments
Tags: AFC east champions, bill belichick, Christmas, grass is wet, krampus, mary christmas, merry, new england patriots, Professor VJ Duke, santa claus, sleep 100 days and nights, The professor, then the flood came, tom brady

So, yes, it’s Christmas this week.

Like in two days.

Maybe it was nine. I really can’t recall. (Don’t laugh. When you get my age, this sort of thing starts to happen. That’s what I’ve been told, though. How age affects the mind is still a mystery. But it does.)

Now, here’s the thing:

I’ve decided to announce a few things of importance.

First off, the Patriots won the AFC East. Again.

Steelers deflate balls, too.

Second, it’s the season of the Krampus.

This excites me lots and lots.

They say the best way to get the Krampus to pay a visit is to insult his brother, Santa Claus.

This doesn’t work.

I’ve tried.

Thirdly, and lastly…

…well, I did have something, but I forget what it was.

I’m old, remember.

Oh I remember!

Merry Christmas, everyone! Make sure to eat a few cookies for me.

Each.

82 Responses to “Important Things”

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1 The Little Mermaid December 25, 2016 at 14:34

Merry Christmas, Professor! :)

Reply
- 2 Professor VJ Duke January 3, 2017 at 19:35
  
  Merry Christmas Miss Mermaid! Did you have a good one?
  
  Reply
3 Lady Dunamis December 23, 2016 at 16:16

I have eaten one chocolate cookie 🍪 and one brownie and I had a few slices of red velvet cake. And I am making some brownies. Sweet quota complete.

Reply
- 4 Professor VJ Duke January 3, 2017 at 19:34
  
  Whoa. I’m impressed. I should be getting some in the mail, then, right?
  
  Reply
  - 5 Lady Dunamis January 3, 2017 at 20:42
    
    I just made some gluten free chocolate chip cookies and they are surprisingly delicious. For the low fee of $165.95 I can send you some.
  - 6 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2017 at 16:17
    
    Can’t I save on shipping? That’s so…unfair!
7 Lucy Brazier December 20, 2016 at 07:12

A very Merry Christmas to you, dear Professor, and all the Punchies too! I am munching cookies as we speak. Hurrah!

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- 8 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2016 at 19:33
  
  Oh! What kind of cookies? I might thieve one.
  
  Reply
  - 9 Lucy Brazier December 20, 2016 at 19:34
    
    Might be cherry… I shall send you the largest one!
  - 10 Professor VJ Duke January 3, 2017 at 19:25
    
    With a huge pit. I think I fancy to throw a pit, the sudden.
  - 11 Lucy Brazier January 4, 2017 at 06:56
    
    Ha! We call them ‘pips’ over here, but my amazing language skills managed to help me know what you mean. Maybe throw it at someone!
  - 12 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2017 at 16:20
    
    You need to teach me how to be a translator!
  - 13 Lucy Brazier January 6, 2017 at 17:39
    
    You are already very good with English, I say. You are fluent in my nan’s phrases, at least!
  - 14 Professor VJ Duke January 9, 2017 at 15:26
    
    That’s because you taught me all of them, I think…
  - 15 Lucy Brazier January 9, 2017 at 15:54
    
    I did indeed. Some of them are very useful.
  - 16 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2017 at 14:31
    
    Only some…?
  - 17 Lucy Brazier January 11, 2017 at 14:33
    
    Some of them are a bit rude! That is why my nan is queen of rude word Scrabble.
  - 18 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2017 at 14:40
    
    I’d still like to beat her…
  - 19 Lucy Brazier January 11, 2017 at 14:53
    
    If you practice a bit you just might! She is old and her powers are weakening…
  - 20 Professor VJ Duke January 16, 2017 at 01:36
    
    Perfect! Means I might take over then?
  - 21 Lucy Brazier January 16, 2017 at 07:08
    
    You just might!
  - 22 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2017 at 00:07
    
    I might still need some training, tho.
  - 23 Lucy Brazier January 18, 2017 at 07:02
    
    That’s alright – you can come to my special training school.
  - 24 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2017 at 18:57
    
    Will I get A’s?
  - 25 Lucy Brazier January 30, 2017 at 07:00
    
    Absolutely!
  - 26 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2017 at 23:43
    
    I can never spell that word right.
  - 27 Lucy Brazier January 31, 2017 at 06:53
    
    It’s a tricky one and no mistake.
28 Desert Dweller December 20, 2016 at 00:41

Merry Christmas, Krampus! I mean, Professor! It’s a good thing I don’t like gingerbread cookies. Those are scary enough without the flames…and live thing…and the crazy eyes… whew!

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- 29 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2016 at 19:33
  
  *laughs* I am like the kramps, huh?
  
  Reply
30 FictionFan December 19, 2016 at 23:28

Happy New Year, have a great birthday and Happy Thanksgiving! There, that should cover it till your next visit! Oh, and Merry Christmas, Prof!

Reply
- 31 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2016 at 19:33
  
  I won’t disappear for a year, dadblameit. I mean, it’s possible. But it probably won’t happen. My bday is coming up. I’ll be so old. I’m so old. I think I need a beanie.
  
  Reply
  - 32 FictionFan December 20, 2016 at 22:16
    
    *laughs* I loved the “I’ll be back” post promptly followed by the “I’m off again” post – it’s so you! No doubt we’ll hear from you again sometime. Meantime, have a jolly festive season!
  - 33 Professor VJ Duke January 3, 2017 at 19:32
    
    I didn’t mean to disappear! I really didn’t. Things have been so weird as of late. I’ll text you.
  - 34 FictionFan January 4, 2017 at 01:13
    
    Text? You must be confusing me with someone else, I fear…
  - 35 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2017 at 16:20
    
    No, I’m just being sly and dropping all sorts of hints. *drops another*
  - 36 Professor VJ Duke January 3, 2017 at 19:32
    
    Oh, did you have a good Christmas?
  - 37 FictionFan January 4, 2017 at 01:14
    
    So long ago I’ve forgotten…
  - 38 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2017 at 16:20
    
    You’re suffering from professor memory.
39 Debbie December 19, 2016 at 21:25

Merry Christmas, Professor (and if you’re absent from these parts long enough, Happy New Year, too!). Your Pats are very much like Saban’s Alabama — y’all win so much that it hardly commands news-space any more! Maybe you ought to TRY losing once, just so you’ll know what it feels like, you know.

Do you realize I haven’t made my Christmas cookies yet?? Yikes, and the dadblame things are so time-consuming that I’d better remedy that soon or I won’t have any when Christmas shows up.

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- 40 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2016 at 19:24
  
  I tried to tell them that, but they wouldn’t listen. They keep on winning and winning and winning. I think they should play Alabama, then. You know, assert their dominance. That’d be a thing.
  
  Oh dear! You must hurry! There’s like 2 days.
  
  Reply
41 Haylee December 19, 2016 at 21:22

Is that an actual scene from the Krampus? I almost watched it yesterday but went with another option. Now I’m annoyed I made the wrong choice!
Merry a Chrimble (the ‘a’ wasn’t meant to be there, it autocorrected but I like it. Makes it sound kind of Dickensian…) Oh, and it HAS to be mince pies, not cookies. Pfft! But I shall eat many, never fear :D

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- 42 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2016 at 19:23
  
  It is! You should’ve watched it! Really brilliant. I like to think I’m like that gingerbread fellow. What did you watch instead?
  
  Chrimble…what is this foul word you speak of? Mince pies sound interesting… I’ll take 2, please.
  
  Reply
  - 43 Haylee December 20, 2016 at 20:08
    
    Chrimble is a fantastic word – you can’t comment with your wild variety of vocabulary!!
    We watched David Brent (mainly as we’re fans of The Office… although I preferred the American version). It was… ok. I shall try and fit in the Krampus before Sunday. You need to watch Rare Exports.
  - 44 Professor VJ Duke January 3, 2017 at 19:26
    
    But my vocabs all comes from the dictionary, of course. And the saurus thing, or whatever it’s called.
    
    Did you watch it? Ooo…what’s Rare Exports? Do not say me. I’m actually an import.
  - 45 Haylee January 3, 2017 at 21:23
    
    You can’t tell me that dadblameit is in the dictionary (not as an entire word anyway!)
    Hmmm… you already know my Krampus opinion (sorry!) Rare Exports is a horror – about the ‘real’ story behind Father Christmas. Odd, quirky and Finnish I think.
    Where were you imported from? Did you arrive with marmalade sandwiches and a label, like Paddington?!
  - 46 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2017 at 16:18
    
    You know, I thought it was when I first used it! That must count somehow.
    
    And Finnish? What’s Finnish mean? That sounds scary, I must admit.
    
    *laughs* I was imported from a corner.
  - 47 Haylee January 6, 2017 at 18:55
    
    The naughty corner!
    Finnish – as in ‘from Finland’. Those Nordic types can be very scary. Vikings!!
  - 48 Professor VJ Duke January 9, 2017 at 15:27
    
    Oh, I love vikings. I belong in the naughty corner. In fact, most vikings do, you see.
49 Susan P December 19, 2016 at 21:05

Merry merry, merry, And then some more.

Reply
- 50 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2016 at 19:21
  
  Merry muffins? Or katanas?
  
  Reply
  - 51 Susan P December 21, 2016 at 13:59
    
    You have to guess. I will let you know when you get it right.
  - 52 Professor VJ Duke January 3, 2017 at 19:34
    
    I’m awful at guessing, tho…
  - 53 Susan P January 3, 2017 at 21:55
    
    Goodness I forgot what the question was.
  - 54 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2017 at 16:19
    
    Ask a new one!
  - 55 Susan P January 6, 2017 at 16:59
    
    No ! One per person per month.
  - 56 Professor VJ Duke January 9, 2017 at 15:26
    
    Except the professor
  - 57 Susan P January 9, 2017 at 16:04
    
    No
  - 58 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2017 at 14:32
    
    Just no?
  - 59 Lady Dunamis December 23, 2016 at 16:17
    
    Merry katanas and I hope you have many, many more.
  - 60 Professor VJ Duke January 3, 2017 at 19:35
    
    *laughs* Me too. I need another. My other one is stained in the blood of my enemies! *wicked laugh*
  - 61 Lady Dunamis January 3, 2017 at 20:42
    
    Come by my office. Some folk are in need of an attitude adjustment.
  - 62 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2017 at 16:17
    
    Do you have a katana in there?
  - 63 Lady Dunamis January 7, 2017 at 03:01
    
    We can smuggle it in through the gym🤔
  - 64 Professor VJ Duke January 9, 2017 at 15:30
    
    I’ll let you do it. I’ll plan, tho
  - 65 Lady Dunamis January 9, 2017 at 18:20
    
    🤔
  - 66 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2017 at 14:35
    
    *professor face*
  - 67 Lady Dunamis January 11, 2017 at 19:06
    
    Could you buy me one?
  - 68 Professor VJ Duke January 16, 2017 at 01:42
    
    Only if…you buy me two!
69 John W. Howell December 19, 2016 at 20:56

Merry Christmas, Professor. Happy New year as well.

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- 70 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2016 at 19:21
  
  Why. We’re all scared of the new year, you know.
  
  Reply
  - 71 John W. Howell December 20, 2016 at 21:22
    
    We are? I’m not.
  - 72 Professor VJ Duke January 3, 2017 at 19:27
    
    Now that we’re in it, I’m even more terrified.
73 MissTiffany December 19, 2016 at 19:50

Merry Christmas to you too, Professor! (and I do believe it is 6 days til Christmas). And I’ll tell you, the best way to get the Krampus to visit is to be very naughty, like insulting the genius of Jane Austen, for example.

I have already eaten 2 cookies today. I intend to eat many more as Christmas gets closer. (they might be my weakness).

Thank you for these important things!

Reply
- 74 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2016 at 19:19
  
  No, it’s not! It’s five. (I counted this time.) So I win. #win
  
  But I’ve done that over and over and he never shows up! Do you know if he comes on the 24th?
  
  Same here. We must put a ban on cookies. I can’t afford to eat thousands and thousands of cookies.
  
  Reply
  - 75 MissTiffany December 21, 2016 at 11:14
    
    Actually now it’s 4 days away…does that mean I #win?
    Gasp! Be on your guard, Professor. Krampus usually follows Saint Nick on his visits on the 24th. I think he is watching for those who get coal. Like a marker, you see. “Bad kids here!”
    Oh no, must we truly? Can we eat them if they are gifts? We wouldn’t be spending any money then. Surely we can afford that! *eats another cookie*
  - 76 Professor VJ Duke January 3, 2017 at 19:34
    
    But you can’t win, ’cause that’d mean I’d lost. Which isn’t fair. The professor always wins, you know. Aha. Did you know the Krampus can’t shut his mouth?
    
    But it’s not about the money! Imagine the calories.
  - 77 MissTiffany January 4, 2017 at 18:20
    
    How about a tie? Can we both win? You would still be technically winning then, right? No I didn’t! How dreadful. What does he do about flies?
    Pssh, calories. Who counts those?
  - 78 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2017 at 16:22
    
    Oh…okay. A tie it is. Tiffany, I think he eats them. *nods knowingly*
    
    *cries* I won’t anymore!
  - 79 MissTiffany January 8, 2017 at 13:08
    
    That’s good. I think I can live with that. Oh dear. Did anyone ever tell him about the little old lady who swallowed a fly?
    There, there. You’ll be happier not counting them.
  - 80 Professor VJ Duke January 9, 2017 at 15:33
    
    Yes, but that was an old lady. Not an old-moose-man, which is what the Krampus is, see.
  - 81 MissTiffany January 9, 2017 at 15:56
    
    Ah. Well then. Perhaps he’ll be fine!
  - 82 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2017 at 14:32
    
    I think you may be right.