Lodge Fight

If you wonder about the origin of everything, you may come to the conclusion that there was no origin of anything.

~ V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

UntitledSo, the professor ran back into the lodge like a bat from the depths of heaven, running from an angel who’d had a bad day, and was carrying a torch that was glowing purple, which made it very freaky.

If you think that was a run-on sentence, or that something was wrong in the preceding paragraph, please think again–at some other time, just not now.

Anyways, the decision was before the professor.

Should I help Salami and Ruber knock off Count Mastroid…or, should I do the just thing and stop them?

Of course, the professor, being a righteous and just soul, full of the iniquity of many different nations and tongues, I decided to let things just ‘roll’.

But first, I changed into an epic spy uniform.

ffd918d6982efe5d55ed9aabbfe5187c

Yups. That’s kinda what I looked like. Complete with the boom-boom as well. #evil

Anyways and a sum that would boggle the mind of an accountant, once dressed, I went downstairs.

That was a mistake, I fear.

“Oh my!” one lady screamed. “We’re all going to die!”

At first, this professor just chuckled. I mean, after all, if I looked that scary, then… #success.

But things got worse. Everyone started screaming. Chaos. That’s what it was. Babies were bleating, too.

Then, this professor noticed movement out of the right side of my right eye on the right side of the lodge.

I thought nothing of it, for this professor was heading towards the door. I had to meet two fellows outside, after all.

But that moving thingy rammed right into this professor, and knocked me clean off my feet, like a potato that’s slipped down a peeler’s sharp blade and into the moist sink. (Yes, ‘moist’ is a disgusting word, I fear. I’ve outlawed it, the sudden.)

I went tumbling and landed on my back. The moving thingy–which was a human–was straddling me.

The boom-boom was knocked from my hands.

The human, who was dressed very similar to me–so I couldn’t see the face–began to try to choke the poor, dull professor out.

Now, the professor has jitsed in his day, and–

bjj-program

–it’s very easy to discern between the sexes, you know. It becomes readily apparent for a few different reasons.

The professor could tell that the human was, in fact, a girl.

#timetowar&riot

I pulled her close, executed a flip (I was on top now, see) and pulled a knife from my boot.

She grunted as she hit the floor.

Not too much like this, tho...

Not too much like this, tho…

And that’s when the professor felt a muzzle press against his head.

No, it wasn’t the pooch kinda of muzzle either.

“Well, well,” a voice rang out.

The professor was hauled to his feet, off the girl, who stood. She was #cranky.

I was surrounded by at least ten men, all armed to the teeth–and even eyes. The lodge had cleared out. All the vacationers were gone. Quite gone.

A fellow with a gray goatee was standing close by.

“I knew the assassination attempt was coming. I just didn’t think the assassin would walk through the lodge and announce himself like an idiot. This was too easy.”

Then, to his men: “Take off his mask!”

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45 Responses to “Lodge Fight”


  1. 1 Lady Dunamis January 18, 2017 at 01:42

    You have a way with words. How in the world can you make the word MOIST sound so nasty is beyond me. Must be that professorish genius.

    There is A LOT of stuff going down in this one story. Almost like the Hunger Games ya know and how convenient of you to be wrestling with a girl. Are you going to somehow write in the script that the two of you need to kiss?

    “May the odds forever be in your favor!”

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2017 at 18:51

      But isn’t that because it is a nasty word? You know it might be.

      Ew! No! Why would I do that? The professor is completely heartless, remember.

      Wait…does Palpatine say that?

  2. 3 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 16, 2017 at 23:25

    No origin of anything. How sad, really.
    Well, I like the suit and the boot. The knife looks dangerous, but you’re up to the same craziness so you’ll need the knife.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2017 at 00:22

      It is? Why?

      Can I have a few swords, too?

      • 5 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 18, 2017 at 02:42

        I don’t know why, Duke. I guess because doesn’t everything come from someone or somewhere? Maybe I’m too sensitive. Dumb feelings.
        Yes, you can take nine swords.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2017 at 18:55

        Does everything tho?

  3. 7 jthenovice January 16, 2017 at 21:33

    I can’t repeat the word you’ve outlawed, but don’t mind that you did. This was too much adventure for me I fear….. ;-) LOVE the serious spy outfit….only to be taken for an assassin….which you weren’t. Were you?! I see there is more to come.

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2017 at 00:21

      Well, I think I was spotted. My disguise wasn’t the best. Moist is an okay word…it needs an improving, you know.

  4. 9 Heartafire January 16, 2017 at 20:31

    Babies bleating, the little buggers! They need to shut up, there is serious spy stuff happening.

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2017 at 00:20

      I know! Any ideas how to make that happen?

      • 11 Heartafire January 18, 2017 at 01:00

        I think those bleating babies are mules for the Mufti , diapers loaded with chips full of classified information and the recipe for Neiman Marcus chocolate cookies.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2017 at 18:46

        *laughs* Wow. That’s some theory. But I agree, the sudden, you know.

      • 13 Heartafire January 28, 2017 at 18:56

        :)

  5. 14 Debbie January 16, 2017 at 15:18

    I think THAT word should only be used in connection with weather … and then, perhaps only in connection with rain forests.

    You were tussling with a girl? She must not have had the martial arts training you’ve had, professor, or she’d have flipped you over her head and snatched that knife right from your boots!

    Nice disguise, by the way, and your boom-boom thingy is quite impressive. Too bad you lost it in the scuffle.

    • 15 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2017 at 00:16

      Brownies?

      Well, I don’t know about that. She seemed to know what she was doing. I was just stronger, of course, right?

      I know! I wanted to use it. Go get it for me, please.

  6. 16 MissTiffany January 16, 2017 at 14:48

    Oh convenient for you, Professor, that you had such a spy uniform with you! And here I thought you didn’t have anything white. But running downstairs in such a outfit, especially with the boom-boom seems to indicate a serious lack of common sense, Professor. Boom-booms are quite alarming things to be seen in a ski lodge, to be sure.

    Oh and I am quite fascinated with this “babies bleating” business. I had no idea babies bleated. I thought that was only for little lambs.

    Ugh, yes THANK YOU. Please do refrain from using that word. Outlawing it is a good notion.

    Oh my. Quite the tussle. Well, I think I would be a bit cranky too if I had just been pinned when I clearly should have had the upper hand. Question: where did your boom-boom go during this?

    And now look what you’ve done, Professor – gotten yourself into quite the pickle. I hope you can talk your way out of this one, since they do not appear to be intimidated by your scary outfit (probably since they are dressed so similarly). Still, I am quite concerned for you, Professor. Do update us soon. (I am not prone to fainting – I only fainted the once, I swear – but if I do not hear the rest of the story soon I fear I may be overcome.)

    • 17 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2017 at 00:15

      Well, I briefly lied. I only lie briefly, you know, which makes it better, doesn’t it? I know! But I thought no one would stop me from passing through! I didn’t know the Count was waiting for me, or an Assassin. WAsn’t fair. And then I got jumped, too. That was just wrong. #notfair

      Hmm. Aren’t baby lambs called babies?

      But…but…but…but…how would you describe a brownie then?

      Well, she shouldn’t have jumped on me. Wasn’t that evil of her? You know it was. Plus I’m so powerful. I think it flew across the room. She hit it from my hands. If I had it…I’d go wild!

      *laughs* You fainted once? Tell me more! Well, okay. I’ll get a-working on it. I’m planning an epic escape, but I’m not at all sure how to get out of this one, you know. Suggestions?

      • 18 MissTiffany January 18, 2017 at 14:34

        Well, I suppose if you do lie, then to lie only briefly is better, and since you admitted this, I’ll forgive you. No, perhaps it wasn’t fair. But I doubt he would think it was very fair of you to be helping eliminate him. Did you think of that?
        Well, since a lamb is is actually a baby sheep, then to say baby lamb is just redundant. And wait a minute, are you implying there were actually baby sheep in the lodge? How curious!
        Well since you outlawed the word…I would describe them (if they are good brownies) as warm, meltable chocolately goodness. Except I’m not actually much of a brownie fan, to tell the truth.
        Actually I don’t think it was evil of her at all. I might have even done the same in her place. Does that make me evil too? Ah. I am sure you are right. Good thing she knocked it from your hands!
        *blushes* I did indeed faint once, and it was quite the experience. I had been working long hours and not eating much (I was stressed, you see) and I decided to go to church for a Holy Hour in the afternoon. (I thought it would help me find some peace) Well, I was kneeling next to an old lady, sharing her prayer book; one minute I was saying the rosary with her, and the next thing I know I’m laying on the pew with a crowd of old ladies around me fanning me and padding my forehead with the damp cloth, and the priest was standing over me too. It was all very embarrassing.
        Hmm. I think maybe you should try and convince the Count that you were actually on his side, and that you were on your way to stop Salami and Ruber. Since you are so heartless, then it shouldn’t matter at all to suddenly switch sides. A heartless person would want to only look out for himself, I think.

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2017 at 19:03

        Hmm…good point. But even you must see the beauty in a lie. *smiles lots*

        Aha! I bet you’re right. I bet there was some sort of sheep/lamb/baby-like thing walking about the lodge. Which is actually quite scary, now that you bring it up, you know.

        Well, yes, it might make you a bit evil and heartless? But isn’t that a good thing overall? I’d say so, you know, you know.

        Haha. Did everything start spinning? This is why you must eat breakfast, however hard it may be, you know. It’s just a must.

      • 20 MissTiffany January 30, 2017 at 13:53

        I think you must be right. I do see it. And yes, that would be quite shocking to see, to say the least. Hmmm…perhaps it is good to be sometimes a bit evil and heartless.
        I was a little disoriented for a while, yes. And felt sick after. I know. I had eaten something, you know and I almost always eat breakfast…but I just hadn’t eaten very much that day. And it was dreadfully hot. And I was stressed. There were a lot of factors, you see.

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2017 at 23:44

        It really is. Maybe even completely heartless!

        That’s what usually happens. Lots of factors. I almost fainted once myself!

      • 22 MissTiffany January 31, 2017 at 16:13

        Oh, I don’t think I ever want to be COMPLETELY heartless…
        How shocking. It is a harrowing experience.

  7. 23 FictionFan January 16, 2017 at 14:38

    Good heavens! The Professor rolling around on the floor with a girl?!?!??? *faints* And… and… and… what exactly do you man by “it’s very easy to discern between the sexes, you know”??? NO!! DON’T TELL ME!!! *faints again* And then you flipped her??????? *rushes off to the ER for more fainting medication*

    Well! You could have warned me this story was going to become so… so… so… *faints*

    PS I think spy outfits are supposed to help you blend in…

    PPS What a galmore?

    PPPS *nods at Shnoddy* I suspect he was only wise by accident, though…

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2017 at 00:13

      *laughs* She tackled me, I fear. I was being quite great and awesome. And on my way to kill the blasted Count. Which I really wish I’d done now. See? Always be evil. It pays off. Rats and a Heifer. I’ve rolled with lots of girls, haha. That sounds funny. Flipping like a Sith Lord, of course.

      So great? So magnificent? So professorish?

      I’ve not idea what a galmore is…a Scottish sword? You come up with the funniest words.

      • 25 FictionFan January 18, 2017 at 01:55

        Oh, excuses, excuses, sir! I don’t know whatever has become of you, indeed I don’t!! Rolling and flipping and whatnot!! You’re so… so… so… well, let’s just say I bet Hector didn’t stop off halfway through a mission to roll with girls!!! *shocked*

        Definitely so something!!

        *laughs* Don’t ask me! It’s in your tags! How can it be possible that I get the blame???

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2017 at 18:52

        Oh, I bet he might have. Bet he had thousands. That’s what they did back then, you know. I wonder if the Trojans did it. It’s a thought, you know.

        It is?! Goodness. I’d quite forgotten about it. In that case, it’s a Scottish sword.

      • 27 FictionFan January 29, 2017 at 17:48

        Good heavens! *retreats rapidly from conversation*

        Are you certain about that? I’ve never heard of it. Are you sure you don’t mean claymore?

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2017 at 23:41

        *laughs* That’s like a tactical retreat, in which case…#win

        Ohhhhhhh. You might be right. Dadblameit! You should’ve told me.

      • 29 FictionFan January 31, 2017 at 02:07

        You cheated by including double entendres! *shocked*

        I just did, dadblameit!!

  8. 30 Haylee January 16, 2017 at 12:15

    I will be forever in your debt for outlawing THAT word!
    I agree with Lucy… it all got quite physical didn’t it? Still, a fight scene is no good without a few flips and a hidden knife!

    • 31 Susan P January 16, 2017 at 14:42

      Will you join them?

      • 32 Haylee January 16, 2017 at 17:19

        In the fight? Well, whilst I fancy my chances against any assassin and look formidable in a catsuit, I think two ladies would be too much for any professor to handle! And three’s a crowd, as they say. THEY always have so much to say, don’t they? ;)

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2017 at 00:20

        You’re a spy! Cool. You never told me that.

      • 34 Haylee January 18, 2017 at 07:55

        No self respecting spy,
        Would confirm nor deny,
        Whether truth or a lie.
        #poetry

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2017 at 18:59

        *mouth drops* That’s brilliant! Now you just have to recite it properly.

      • 36 Haylee January 28, 2017 at 19:15

        Properly? I’d opt for slam poetry style…

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2017 at 23:38

        YES! That screams gangster to me for some reason. Soon, right?

      • 38 Haylee January 31, 2017 at 06:34

        😡

    • 39 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2017 at 00:09

      But how can you describe a delectable brownie without that word?

      It did! Can you believe I get attacked like this?

      • 40 Haylee January 18, 2017 at 07:53

        ‘Delectable and not at all dry’ works :)

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2017 at 18:59

        Yes, but look at all the words you had to use to replace that one…

  9. 42 Lucy Brazier January 16, 2017 at 07:18

    Goodness! That is a lot of drama and excitement all in one go. I think I need a lie down.

    • 43 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2017 at 00:07

      Me too. For about a day, maybe?

      • 44 Lucy Brazier January 18, 2017 at 07:03

        I say a week. Or maybe a bit of a week.

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2017 at 18:57

        Maybe 2?


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