NAME: Ruber Salami.

RESIDENCE: Ruber lives with his dad, Daddy Salami, on the edge of a great forest in a badly dilapidated hut.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: Ruber is tall and quite hideous to lay eyes upon. His torso is so broad that his legs seem skinny. But they’re not. Nothing about Ruber is skinny. He is closer to seven feet than six, is clean shaven, and wears his long stringy red hair down to his shoulders. The crown of his head is balding slightly, and Ruber couldn’t care less. His face is flat and his features sharp. Ruber can definitely be described as a brute of a man. He looks strong and mean, and is strong and very mean—which may be forgivable considering his upbringing.

ABOUT: Ruber does all of the chores around the hut. He has to keep the grass cut (if you can call the thick yellow weeds that grow around Salami’s hut grass) with nothing but a pair of tweezers, wash the hut (which probably isn’t a big deal since Salami doesn’t really care about cleanliness), chop the wood for the fire, buy food at the market, prepare supper (which probably gets tricky for Ruber), and mend Salami’s trousers. Of course, he is bitter.

GREATEST FRIEND: Jazzy Couldren (aka Manly-Man). Although, their relationship has been deteriorating.

GREATEST FOE: A small kid who constantly tortures him, John Julia. Some say that Daddy is actually Ruber’s greatest foe.

DESCRIPTION IN THREE WORDS: Hideous, large, and strong.

QUOTES: Oh my goodness! What the heck, eh? I hate you!

13 Responses to “Ruber Salami”


  1. 1 FictionFan July 17, 2013 at 14:26

    Now where would the fun be in that? ;)

    Unless…is there no Darcy-esque Punchy person?

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2013 at 14:30

      I’m almost sure one could be found somewhere…. Perhaps Mr. Ratherquite would fit the bill!

      • 3 FictionFan July 17, 2013 at 14:31

        Ooh, tell me more!!

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2013 at 14:34

        Perhaps you would prefer a character profile? Or, I could just give you the basics, ma’am.

      • 5 FictionFan July 17, 2013 at 14:40

        Definitely a character profile! And why hasn’t he turned up in a video? I want to hear his voice – I bet it’s all posh English and dead sexy…

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2013 at 14:43

        Well, he should amuse you. He hasn’t turned up, because he’s too well loved.

        Besides, I travel to the PL nearly every day. I’m constantly ‘meeting’ new people.

      • 7 FictionFan July 17, 2013 at 18:48

        Well, I hope he turns up soon – I hope he has smouldering brown eyes and a sweet little curl that falls on to his forehead when he’s been swimming, and riding boots, and…

        ooh, I’m so sorry! got quite carried away for a moment there… ;)

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2013 at 18:51

        :) There probably is a Darcy in the PL. Usually, PL mirrors earth, so…Darby is possible. I’ll have to check.

        I’ll work on getting Ratherquite out! I think I’ll have to get to know him better.

      • 9 FictionFan July 17, 2013 at 23:47

        Now that’s worrying – because that means there must be an earth version of Daddy Salami! While he’s my Punchy hero (till Mr Ratherquite turns up), I’m not sure I’d like to think of him wandering round my little town, tossing people off bridges and blowing up hotels and stuff…especially in ripped trousers.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 11:15

        I do believe PL characters are quite stuck in the PL, but I may be wrong. The line has been crossed before, I suppose. You sure you wouldn’t want to meet D. Salami? Gee, I thought everybody wanted to meet their heroes–regardless of the consequences!

  2. 11 FictionFan July 17, 2013 at 12:51

    One can but wonder what my hero Daddy Salami gets up to that means his trousers require constant mending…

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2013 at 14:19

      Into all sorts of trouble, I would suppose. Wouldn’t you rather choose a more peaceful Punchy hero? :)


  1. 1 The Punchy Lands! Trackback on May 5, 2014 at 12:33

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