The beating of your heart reminds you you only have so long to beat.
~ V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet
Isn’t that an annoying thing?
It always annoys this professor.
I mean, why can’t I wake up somewhat not-tired and somewhat not-sleepy?
The land is against us, I fear.
Anyways and some, it was a cold day where the professor currently was messing about in the Punchy Lands.
I was at a ski resort, see. In truth, this is true: the lodge looked like a bunch of tinker toys.
The professor was spending the holiday at the resort, and it was a definite interest.
You see, that’s because the professor can’t ski.
Well, I’ve never skied before, I suppose.
I just like to go to ski resorts just to hang out and think about skiing. One of my fav pastimes, you know. #mostlytrue
Anyways, the professor had just woken up. I wrapped myself in a red Pats hoodie…
…and left my room to explore.
The lodge was pretty busy downstairs, and it wasn’t long until this professor ran into Daddy Salami and his son, Ruber. (I’ve known Salami and Ruber for a bit now. Always up to no good. I think they live in England. And I think Salami used to be a knight.)
They were sitting at a table, finishing breakfast.
Of course, this professor being the adventurer he is, joined them quicker than a tadpole popping out of a…
…well, you know what I mean.
“Gentlemen,” I said.
Salami’s green eyes flashed. “We ain’t, gentlemen, ya turtle. Now sit down. I have sumtin’ important ta tell ya.”
Was he expecting me? Nah…
Ruber chuckled as ripped two pieces of bacon up and plopped the pieces into his coffee. And, yes, he did drink the whole thing. In one gulp. #impressive
“What is it, not-gentlemen?”
“Shut-up!” Salami snapped. “And be quiet. It’s a secret.”
Then he leaned close: “We were one man down on our mission, but then ya showed up, and yure gonna help us.”
“Or we’ll pluck yo eyes out,” Ruber added, in his English accent.
“Come on,” Salami said.
They both stood.
“What are we…?” I ventured.
“Knocking somebody off,” Ruber said. “Get your skis.”
“Count Mastroid has ta die,” Salami added.
“He’ll be on the slopes soon,” Ruber said. “We’ll get him then.”
Salami laughed, obviously excited. “See ya in front of da lodge in twenty minutes, cur-face, or I’ll cut yure face out and use it as a wall decoration.”
A mission on the slopes sounded fun. But knocking someone off? Warriors don’t do that sort of thing.
Plus, the professor can’t ski…