Posts Tagged 'Books'

The professor Fights

“Look here,” I said, and I must admit my frustration was growing lots and lots, “I’d like to rent this book.”

“Can’t,” she said.


“Because this particular book only has the buy option.”

This professor was standing in a bookstore on a college campus. Let me tell you now–like right now–college books are very expensive. And renting college books is expensive.

Just a little less expensive.

So, I tried from a different angle.

“Check this out, the sudden,” I said, “this book is called ‘The Life, Death & In-Between Space of Dr. Lewis Dayton Clark.'”

“So?” And she pursed her purple lips together (I don’t think they were natural, mind) and put her hands on her hips.

“So,” I concluded, “it follows that no one wants to buy a book about the in-between space of Dr. Lewis Dayton Clark. Therefore, it must be available only to rent.”

There were a few chaps that started to laugh behind me.

The girl pointed a finger in my direction. “You have an attitude. I’m getting the manager.”

And she flounced off.

I left, of course. With the book.

But I ran into the manager and the girl outside.

The manager chap, I must say, was a bit puffy and fat. He was eating something. Must’ve been interrupted. He was cranky, too. Red cheeks, see.

“YOU!” he bellowed. “You’re not allowed to rent that book!”

And he tried to snatch it from my hands.

But this professor being quicker than a snake swimming around in an ice pond, snatched it away before he could gain possession of it.

Check it out! Snake on an ice pond. See, kids, I DO NOT make this stuff up.

Check it out! Snake on an ice pond. See, kids, I DO NOT make this stuff up.

“Look here,” I said, “look here right now, you puffy, ignorant Yucketh!”

That took him–and her–aback.

“I happen to be a professor. The professor. I told my students they could rent this book. And you…YOU! You dare?! I shall turn you both in to the Union at once.”

So, that’s when everything went downhill.

They didn’t exactly buy my story and I didn’t exactly buy the book.


Introducing my new spirit animal!



A Bit about the professor

I think I do these type of posts every so often.

And I’m not at all sure why.

Are you? Anyways and all my ways, MW (her real name is Michelle and her blog can be found here) nominated this professor for an award.

Thanks, MW!

This award.


It needs some color. I think red would suit it fine. Now, I must needs give you seven facts about myself.

(1) I just got a Fugoo speaker. And I like it. Could be a bit louder. But it’s snow-proof. And professor-proof. Doesn’t crack easily, see.


(2) This dumbbell leaks metal spikes, I think.


(3) This clarinet is tops. A Buffet R-13. Really nice.


(4) I’m really running out of things to say. That’s what happens when you’re dull, see.

(5) The professor is very old. Older than the mountains, yet younger than the stars. Do you believe that? I hope so. If not, it means my lies don’t work. If that’s a lie. Walt Walker might be able to tell you. He’s Dick Hercules agent, by the way.

(6) That light back there is purple, and purple (as well as pink) is a girl’s color. Nice stage, huh?


(7) This is exhausting: coming up with all these facts. Okay, last one: these are professor books.


There! Now you know lots about the professor.

Professorish Pictures & Book

So, this professor has a few pictures to show.

You see, I grow a few plants about that are very interesting.

This is the first.


I think it looks like an alien structure. Maybe it communicates with aliens?

Now this next thing is very ugly. I mean, it doesn’t classify as a twig (it’s too tall) and it definitely can’t classify as a tree. It’s from the dinosaur era. It’s ugly. It’s a leaf.


This is just a pot of dirt where I keep my weed collection. My favorite weed is the thick green one.


Overall, the alien plant is the nicest, don’t you think? I know, it’s a hard decision to make.

One more thing.

The professor just finished The Martian a few weeks ago. Or maybe a week ago? I don’t have my watch with me.


Anyway it was rather awesome. It’s a great adventure book—imagine an adventure on mars. The main character swears a bit, but so does the professor (profusely) so we can’t be blaming anyone for certain swearing things.

Thanks goes to FictionFan for the recommendation!

Seriously—and this is seriously—the professor was a good reader back in the old days of youth. I read all the time. Read this book, killed this one, shredded this one’s pages…

Maybe I’ve just gotten lazy…but I do think my pot of weeds proves otherwise.



Book Review: A Kingdom Far and Clear

WARNING: What you are about to read is, in fact, a dadblame regular book review. You see, the professor loves this book to death, so the ripping of it might cause him repulsion. Onward, then!


DSC00222I know this is a bit different from the normal routine of ripping books until they’re dead, but…this novel deserves respect, I think.

The Kingdom Far and Clear is composed of three novellas that each tell the gripping story of a young girl who was displaced from the throne by the horribly devious, scarily deformed “Usurper.”

Now that is horribly frightening!

Each of the three novellas is told from a different perspective. Helprin creates amazing imagery with his prose. (It can be considered too flowery at times, though, and has been known to induce a headache in the professor’s case.)

Once, the mountains held within their silvered walls a forest so high and so gracefully forgotten that it rode above the troubles of the world as easily as the blinding white clouds that sometimes catch on the jagged peaks and musically unfurl.

At the time of reading, the professor was quite curious about the “gracefully forgotten” part. It does stagger the imagination, doesn’t it?

There is a lingering sadness in each of the stories that is buffered by a thread of hope. A perfect example of a modern “Fairy Tale,” that is as suitable to adults as well as to children, A Kingdom Far and Clear is a haunting read that will stay with you long after you’ve read the last word.

One of things the professor found remarkable about the book is the “sad humor” throughout. (We really must have a discussion about “sad humor” some day. Definitely a professorish topic.)

So, the professor highly recommends it.

Now, there is one rippable part.

It’s the dedication.

I’m almost sure that the professor should be in there somewhere, for I must be the book’s greatest fan!

TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

Wednesday: Professor Speaks

Thursday: OFF — Because Yes

Friday: OFF — All Day Sleep Does

Saturday: OFF — Blue-Footed Boobies Need Fed

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Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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