Posts Tagged 'clara'

Decisions, Decisions

What makes something precious? The amount of people willing to die for it.

V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

UntitledThe professor stopped right there and his jaw dropped a bit, bits, and little bits.

“You’re working for Mr. Magi?!” I asked.

After all, this professor wasn’t on good terms with Mr. Magi. He was of the school of thought that this professor was a thiever, because well, I took the Jeweled Katana to prevent further thieving.

Just goes to show you that they learn nothing in school, really.

Sweet Sue turned and looked at me, as if she was maddened she had to explain. She was always like that, see.


And to the point.

I wear a shirt like this every other day.

I wear a shirt like this every other day.

Great spy characteristics is one of her strong suits, see.

“I said freelance, Noodle. No one owns me but myself. Don’t worry, I’m not going to turn you in. I was there when you and Mr. Magi threw down the gauntlet.”

“You were?” The professor may have been shocked. Not that I’ll admit it freely again, though, see.

Sweet Sue just looked at me. You know. That look.

“Well,” Clara Higgins huffed, looking at Sweet Sue. “I think you should turn him in! He’s the one that got me involved in this whole thing!”

“Did he really?” Schwarz Tauptinker said, shaking his from side to side and staring at me. “I don’t believe it…”

But he did.

“We better get a move on,” Sweet Sue said. “If you want to get out of Prince Beef’s palace alive.”

And that’s when the cat–who had attacked the guard–jumped back into the basket.

“Ahh, George,” Sweet Sue said. “Where would I be without you?” George looked at her with his eye lids at half-mast and purred loudly enough to scare a grizzly bear.

George and Sweet Sue are un-seperate-able. This is fact. The professor should get a cat.

This is another fact.

I’m full of facts today, I think.

Check it out! A list of cat fats. This just fits somehow...

Check it out! A list of cat facts. This just fits somehow…

Anyways and some, Sweet Sue and George led us through the caverns of the prison until we all popped out in a small forest near the palace.

This professor could see the palace from the forest. Which was neatio. Keeping an eye on things, see. It’s always good to be able to see, double-see.

“Now,” Bud Parker said, folding his arms. “We’ve got to regroup and go back in.”

“What?!” Clara wasn’t happy–she was almost howling.

“We do,” Schwarz admitted. “We need the katana, oh yeah.”

“Schwarz, no,” Gertrude said. “Let’s just go.”

“No, baby sister,” Schwarz replied. “Must. Do. It. Do it NOW!”

“We’ve been trying for it for some time,” Parker said, casting me an ugly look. “PVJ got in the way, though.”

“Look here,” I said.

And everyone did.

I was surprised it worked. Must remember it works that way, see. #MentalNote

“This sort of thing is quite vexing. Let me be frank–“

“I thought you were PVJ,” Schwarz interrupted.

That was a thing.

“Well, then,” I continued, “just let me say this: Originally, this professor thieved the katana in order to stop Prince Beef from having Fats Henry thieve the Diamond of Drake. I thieved to stop thieving. Which sorta makes thieving okay.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Clara mumbled. “It was stupid.”

“Since then,” I continued undaunted by the mumbling, “things have happened. The marriage has been called off.”

Gertrude started to cry here. “There…there…there was going to be a party tonight to celebrate our marriage! But…but…but…then she came along!”

Clara looked away.

“But,” I said, continuing on my professorishly topic, “Prince Beef still wants the Diamond of Drake. Which means, we’re right back where we started at.”

“Bud,” Parker said, “Schwarz and I are moving in. Tonight. We want the sword.”

“Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,” Schwarz agreed. “The Prince is still going to have the party, I’m sure. You don’t have all that stuff prepared just to waste it, tell you what.”

The professor’s mind went like this:

The katana the prince had was fake; but they didn’t know that; they would make a great distraction if this professor needed to go back in tonight; did the professor need to go back in tonight?

I looked at Sweet Sue. Sue looked back at me. We both nodded. And then it became clear.

PL Symbol


Katana, MIA

When you lose something that belongs to somebody else, it’s wrong. It shows a lack of caring. When you lose something that belongs to somebody else on purpose, it shows cunning.

~ V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet


Prince Beef was gloating.

I could tell that the minute we were before him, cramped into his tiny, stuffy, tiny, stuffy, office.


It looked sorta like this: An old bathroom turned office. A transformation that could baffle even the brightest of scientists and pigeons.

Toby was also gloating.

“My prince,” he said, “here are the convicts.”

Clara and I were sorta standing in the doorway (the office was a little bigger than what’s pictured above).

Toby was also standing close, and a few guards were behind us.

Not much of a chance for an escape, see.

As soon as Prince Beef saw Clara, he looked surprised.

Of course, she blurted out:

“I’ve got nothing to do with this! I didn’t steal your sword!”

“Quiet, peasant,” the prince shouted, rising to his feet in a grand way. “Quiet, or I’ll lop off your ears!”

And he was quite pleased with the threat.

“You wouldn’t dare!” Clara hissed back.

What a surprise. The girl had spunk, you must admit. Of course, the professor has more.

The prince was equally taken aback.

“I certainly would dare!” he said, bobbing his head back and forth and making the feather in his cap wiggle like a worm’s bottom.

“In fact,” he said, starting to pace unsuccessfully in the cramped space, “I dare many things that a girl like you would be shocked to learn!”

“But probably not me,” I answered.

He looked at me. “You’re lucky. I’m in a nice mood today. I just might overlook the stealing of my sword. Toby, hand me the katana.

“As for the other two–your filthy accomplishes”–Prince Beef chuckled here; he was referring to Schwarz Tauptinker and Bud Parker–“I gave them to the ogre, Fats Henry. They will now serve him forever on his horridly disgusting floating island. You and your girlfriend are lucky.”

“I’m not his girlfriend!” Clara said, angrily too.

“Yes, quite right,” I said, “my girlfriend won’t have ears that are lopped off.”

I scored a horrid look for that one.

Prince Beef smiled, but it was a disgusting smile, mind you.

“The katana, Toby,” he said, putting out his hand. The prince didn’t even look at Toby. Rather, he turned his gaze upward. In a lofty manner.

Toby handed him the scabbard.

Clara shot me a smug look, but then it dawned on her that the prince thought she was equally as guilty as this professor. Her face darkened.

The prince gave a double-take.

“Yes, yes!” he said impatiently. “Nice. I see the scabbard. The sword?”

“The sword is probably in the scabbard,” Toby answered.

And it clearly wasn’t.

I mean, as an example, how can you confuse this:


For this:


“It is not!!!!” the prince screamed, slamming his little, heeled boot on the ground.

He was turning red in the face, too.

“Where is it?! Where is my Jeweled Katana?!”

A few gulps.

“It’s Missing in Action,” I said.

PL Symbol

TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

Wednesday: Professor Speaks

Thursday: OFF — Because Yes

Friday: OFF — All Day Sleep Does

Saturday: OFF — Blue-Footed Boobies Need Fed

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email!

Join 1,869 other followers

Follow The Punchy Lands! on

Blog Stats

  • 116,407 hits

Join the Professor on Twitter!

Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


%d bloggers like this: