Big ups and thanks to Susan Price for brainstorming with me on this one. In TPL, she’s Sweet Sue. Yo.
If you feel vicious, take it out on the weeds.
V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet
Sitting in a dark, dank prison. And it was full of lice, ticks, spiders, worms, and the scurvy.
Anyways, it was quite a meeting. Sort of.
None of these dispirited ones were talking either.
“So,” this professor said, breaking the silence. “We’re all going to die, that’s an interest.”
“Shut-up!” Clara snapped.
Schwarz piped up to announce: “I’m not going to die, tell you what, chickit. I’m busting out! Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“Yeah sure, bud,” Parker said. “Like that’s going to happen. We’re like heavily guarded.”
Gertrude started to cry.
“Stop it, man!” Schwarz yelled at Parker. “Look what you’re doing to my sister, dude! Just stop, man.”
It was also very dark in the cell.
Presently, a quiet sound that grew louder filled the room.
“And this,” said a narrating voice, “is where we keep the worst of the criminals.”
It was a group of people. A tour.
See, every so oftens, tours come through Prince Beef’s palace.
What a thing.
I felt like a bear in a zoo.
The group stopped in front of our cell.
“Look at them,” the tour guide said. “The worst of the worst.”
I must admit, Clara did look pretty bad, but I thought I was rather spiffy looking, still.
Of course, this professor scanned the group…and that’s when I spotted someone who I didn’t expect to see.
Sweet Sue. There she was, mingling in the crowd.
But she had many other different names, really. See, Sweet Sue is an epic spy, always going about the land doing secret missions of the upmost importance.
There was no way, of course, that she was just here for a tour. Besides, this professor and Sweet Sue are great friends. I looked at her.
She looked at me and I saw she had a basket with something orange and white moving in it.
Then I knew that she knew: She was going to bust us out.
The group left and this professor stood.
“Well, well, welly,” I said. “Dadblame all the ticks in here, we’re getting out.”
“I knew it would happen if I was patient,” Schwarz answered, standing.
Parker shook his head. “Don’t get your hopes up, bud.”
“Just shut-up, all of you,” Clara said. “We’re not getting out, we’re going to die.”
“You shouldn’t have attacked Prince Beef.”
“If you insist,” I said.
Footsteps again. And light.
It was Sweet Sue with her moving basket.
“I’ll get you all out of here,” she said. “But just because the professor and I are friends.”
There were some exclamations of surprise amongst the group.
“You’re friends with PVJ?” Parker asked.
“Yes,” she answered. “We’ve done missions together before.”
“Secret, secret missions,” I said. “I’m an inhuman spy.”
“Knew that,” Clara mumbled.
“They were wonderfully great missions,” she said.
Then Sweet Sue had the door open very fastly fast. How she did it, I’ll never know. But she’s like that: Quick as a sleeping chap winking. Which is very fast, since sleeping chaps never wink.
In an instant and some, we were all out and following her down the hallway.
“Do you know the way out of here?” I asked.
“Absolutely,” she said.
And that’s when we ran into a guard. At the same moment, something white and orange jumped out of the wobbly basket and distracted the guard with his claws before the guard could say cat.
But that’s all he got out.
In another twinkle (sleeping wink), Sue had him on the ground and out of the game.
“Why are you here?” I whispered as we left the palace.
“I’m working freelance for Mr. Magi…”