Posts Tagged 'Death'

Sweet or Dill Pickles? (Off the Grid)

OfftheGridPicSo, this professor went into a food store this past week.

Do you like dill or sweet pickles…or neither? That’s my question to you, I must admit.

See, while I was in the store, I picked up a jar of pickles and went to pay for them like any respectable thingy might do.

But now, the fellow at the register, said: “Sir…I just want to make sure…you know, right, that you are holding sweet pickles? I mean, you’re going to be buying sweet pickles!”

He said it as if he was shocked.

“I had no idea,” I said. “I picked up the first jar I saw. See, between me and you, they all taste the same anyway.”

“Uhh…” and he trailed off a bit. “You’re wrong. The sweet pickles…” And he paused here, ’cause he couldn’t find the word he was looking for. Or rather his tongue couldn’t.

“…Sweet pickles…”

I let him flounder for a bit, just because I’m a wicked professor, don’t you know.


Sweet, waterlogged pickles.

© 2012 Cie Stroud

Dill pickles.

Then he found himself.

“Sweet pickles,” he said, “are worse for you. They’ve got…preservatives.”

“Do they? A wonder,” I said. “Now how much is this?”

The line was building, too, I should say.

“Sir,” he said, “I’m really suggesting that you get dill pickles right now.”

And that’s when the woman behind me said, “Could we move it along?”

I turned around. “We’re having a giant pickle discussion. Please hold on for a few.”

She huffed.

“No,” I said, “this professor will get these.”

“Sir, you will die in a few years if you continue to eat like this.”

And I got them.

And…this professor still hasn’t touched them.


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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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