Posts Tagged 'going to destroy'

Attacked & Counterattack



So, the professor gets attacked sometimes.

This is one such story, see.

I was sitting at a table, minding my own business.

Professorish business, see. I was probably doodling. That’s what I do when I’m rather bored, and I get rather bored sitting at this table sometimes.

People were talking all about me and whatnot. I zoned out.

To the doodling world.

No, I can't doodle like this, I fear.

No, I can’t doodle like this, I fear.

I think I was drawling some sort of square when it happened:

An older chap and his wife sat down across from me.

Professor’s thoughts at the moment: Oh no. I’m in trouble. Gotta eject. But there was no eject button, see.

I thought about making a run for it.

No, too many people about.

I thought about making an excuse.

But it was too late.

They spoke too quickly.

“Hey,” the fellow said.

I gave him the professor stare. I’ve been told it could crumple steel. #Power

Didn’t seem to work.

“We have a question for you,” the wife said. With a giggle.

Make that two giggles.

“Do you like older women?” she blurted out.

Now, this professor being the sly fox he is…



…knew exactly where this was going.

And I didn’t want any of it, see. Girlfriends are trouble, double-see.

So, I decided to get mean.

I’m mean sometimes, you know.

Sometimes so mean I even scare myself.

Me being filthy mean.

Me being filthy mean.

“Why?” I began. “You two aren’t getting a divorce, are you?”

You know, the fellow had to be taking a sip from his coffee at the exact moment I said that, didn’t he?


He sorta spit it out.

On me.

I was even crankier.

“Oh no we’re not!” the woman said. “Why would we be doing that?”

“Not sure,” I said. “Could be many reasons. So many reasons, in fact. Some reasons, even, I don’t want to have thinks on. But I’ll tell you this…”

And the professor looked at the woman.

“…if you do decide to get a divorce, you can do better than me, though. I’m a horrid orc. So, even though you are older than me–way older–that wouldn’t be the problem, see. We’re just not right for each other.”

That fetched them.

The fellow: “You disgusting little…”

The woman: “How could you…?!”

I went back to doodling.

The woman: “You know, I always thought you were so…so…sweet, too.”

“Check it out,” I said, looking up, “I think someone way over there–so far over there, in fact, that we won’t be able to see each other if you go–wants to have speaks with you. Quickly, don’t disappoint.”

They both rose.

Yes! #ProfessorWins

“Well,” the fellow said, “this isn’t the end of this story. We’ll need to report this, you know. We were going to say our niece–who might be older than you–would make you a great girlfriend. Glad we didn’t, though. There’s something wrong with you.”

And they left.

Moral: Don’t do such things in a Bible Study.

Lesson: Not Learned

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
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