Posts Tagged 'Punchy Lands'

The Professor Returns

Many hi’s to you all! (I’m thinking if that should be “hies”, since it looks better. But that reminds me of pies, and we can’t have pies, so let’s forget about this whole thingy.)

How’ve you all been?! I want details. But not too many. Maybe one or one and a half.

You’ll all be excited and dismayed to know that I’m back. The professor has many awful plans, of course. Plans that I’ve not really spoken about too much yet. Or thought about.

Maybe we shouldn’t even call them plans, actually-ish.

I’ll be getting TPL back online in just a bit…a few days, maybe.

In interesting professor news…I actually taught a class on this book! Well, a chapter from this book.

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And I learned two important things, of course. (I’m always learning things, you know, you know… This goes to show you even old people can learn things.) 

One, I learned how to spell feminist. Yes, I happen to be the worst speller ever. No judging. Or I might get a complex.

And, two, I learned that this professor can counter-lecture other professors quite effectively. It was an interesting debate.

That’s all.

I shall be around with more useless news, of course.

Since it’s around Christmastime, Merry Dadblameits to you all.

Which Sword Would You Choose?

Since today is national sword day, this professor has decided to show a bunch of swords. I can’t help it, really.

Well, PF, if you had to get a sword, which one would you pick?

Short Sword

Unknown-1

Scimitar

tribal_scimitar___mental_ray_render_by_ltd4ve-d5s68lv

Katana

Unknown

Broadsword

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And, yes, everyone should have a sword. If you don’t think so, here are three good reasons:

  1. Imagine all the bugs you could swat away.
  2. Imagine how the mosquitoes would run away.
  3. Imagine how bears would suddenly respect you.

Great reasons all.

Now, which sword?

What Lives in There?

So, this professor was having a gigantic think-session.

What do you suppose lives in this cave?

dreamstime_10418133

I came up with a few options.

(1) A Yeti

(2) A few mice

(3) Some snakes

(4) An arctic fox

Unknown

(5) A polar bear

(6) A pigeon

pigeon

If I was a bird, that’d be me.

Well, what does you suppose lives in there, PF?

Sharing Dinner

Nothing is as intimate as sharing a family dinner with another. ~ V. Shnodgrate 

We sat around a table.

That’s where you always sit when you’re getting to know someone–or, in this case, some-family.

Now, here’s the thing: It’s hard to eat with other people, just because. See, you’re expected to have manners. Not to say the professor doesn’t have manners, but it’s better not to think about manners until you want to think about them. That way, you won’t be vexed. If that didn’t make much sense, I’m not sure why.

Anyways and some, this professor was sitting with a family around a table. But I already said that.

They’d invited me, see.

You don’t want to know what we were chewing on.

“So,” Mr. said. (See, there was a Mr., Mrs., and Miss–and a dog, but he isn’t worth mentioning since he was outside.)

I looked expectantly over at Mr., waiting for the question.

But I was disappointed; it wasn’t a question.

“I notice,” he continued, “that you don’t wear your glasses while you’re eating.”

It was true. I flip them up, see. Here’s the thing: Glasses are good–if you need them–for details, but if you don’t want to see details–which you usually don’t when conversing with people–you flip them up. That’s the story, that’s the way of it.

“Quite right,” this professor replied. “How interesting you noticed. Now I should notice something. I notice that you all–all of you–don’t have glasses.”

Mrs. laughed. “But you’d be wrong,” she said.

Miss didn’t look happy. But then again, her parents chose what the conversation was all about–not this professor.

“Now how’s this?” I asked.

Mr. was chortling himself. “We all have contacts!”

So, this professor didn’t really care, but then again, I suppose it was good to know in a useless sort of way.

I stared at their eyes in turn.

Miss and Mrs. looked uncomfortable; Mr. didn’t mind.

“One good thing,” I announced. “One would never be able to tell that you’re wearing them.”

They all laughed at that, though I’m not sure why. See, what else could I have said? Nothing, I tell you. Nothing. Nothing sweet, that is.

Then we lapsed into silence–which is always an interest. I thought about complimenting the dinner, but I only lie every so often, so I put that out of my mind rather quickly. I thought about asking them for their life story, but all the times I’ve tried that (3 in all, you should know) it didn’t turn out too well. Took them hours to finish.

The professor wasn’t sure what to say, so I said the first thing that popped into my mind:

“Sometimes we forget things, and it is at that incident that we should remember.”

This confused them. But you wouldn’t believe how we went on and on just having speaks about that.

Moral: When you go to dinner, make sure you have many things to say. Topics, if you will. Write them down on a pad or something.


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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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