Posts Tagged 'this counts as Monday'

Things go South

Sometimes, the best way to end things, is to initiate them.

~ V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

UntitledSo, the professor was in the lodge, surrounded by all these evil people with guns.

And Count Mastoid was there.

“Take off his mask,” Count Mastoid repeated.

He was talking about me, of course. This professor had an epic spy mask on.

But no one was making a move.

So, the professor, being the genial fellow he is (usually), I took it off.

“Who are you?” the count asked.

“I’m Professor VJ Duke, of course,” I said. Straight up. Honest. My goals in life.

That puzzled him right up the middle for a second or two.

“Why do you want to kill me?”

Time to epic obfuscate. I looked about at all the men with guns surrounding me. “Doesn’t seem like I’m the one trying to kill anyone, you know.”

He didn’t buy it. “You know what I mean.”

Now it was time to tell a few little lies.

Here’s the thing, see, a little lie plus another little lie, doesn’t really equal a big, fat lie. Rather, they equal two little lies. Don’t ask me why. It’s just how lies function in mathematics. #thisiskindatruebtw

Anyways and some, this professor said:

“I didn’t want to kill you, of many courses. I was just…” And I trailed off.

How do you explain the fact that you were walking around like this–

ffd918d6982efe5d55ed9aabbfe5187c

–in a vacationing destination.

“He’s lying,” the girl said. The girl who had tackled me. (The pink is not sexist of me. I’m running out of colors.)

“No, he’s not,” I answered her.

“Yes, he IS,” she repeated, a bit more slowly this time.

“Hush!” Count Mastoid said.

“Look here,” I said, taking charge of the situation, “if this professor was trying to kill you, it’d be dadblamery. Analysts say that not everyone is as focused on you as you are. Do you know what I’m trying to tell you? You think everything revolves around you, when, actually, it revolves around the sun.”

unknown

It made sense to me.

“Dad, I don’t believe him!” the girl said. “He was trying to kill you! Why else is he dressed like that?”

Dad? What an interest, the sudden…

And, of course, just when the professor thought I might be able to talk my way out of things, Daddy Salami and Ruber show up, banging through the front door, guns ready.

“Well, well, welly,” Salami said, looking from Count Mastoid to me. “Looks like our boy”–indicated me here, I fear–“found ya.”

Dadblameit.

PL Symbol

Advertisements

TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

Wednesday: Professor Speaks

Thursday: OFF — Because Yes

Friday: OFF — All Day Sleep Does

Saturday: OFF — Blue-Footed Boobies Need Fed

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email!

Join 1,874 other followers

Follow The Punchy Lands! on WordPress.com

Blog Stats

  • 115,085 hits

Join the Professor on Twitter!

Professorish Smiley:

==[:-{)=

or

==[:-{)+

Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


%d bloggers like this: