Posts Tagged 'tom brady'

Important Things

So, yes, it’s Christmas this week.

Like in two days.

Maybe it was nine. I really can’t recall. (Don’t laugh. When you get my age, this sort of thing starts to happen. That’s what I’ve been told, though. How age affects the mind is still a mystery. But it does.)

Now, here’s the thing:

I’ve decided to announce a few things of importance.

First off, the Patriots won the AFC East. Again.

aptopix-dolphins-patr_acco-1024x729

Steelers deflate balls, too.

Second, it’s the season of the Krampus.

krampus

This excites me lots and lots.

tumblr_nz5j7zeeal1rp0vkjo1_500

They say the best way to get the Krampus to pay a visit is to insult his brother, Santa Claus.

This doesn’t work.

I’ve tried.

Thirdly, and lastly…

…well, I did have something, but I forget what it was.

I’m old, remember.

Oh I remember!

Merry Christmas, everyone! Make sure to eat a few cookies for me.

Each.

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Why Conor McGregor is like Tom Brady

professor speaks

Okay.

So, this professor just thought he should say a few words about it.

Not that it matters much one way or another.

But this fellow:

011316-ufc-Conor-McGregor-pi-mp.vresize.1200.675.high.25

Conor McGregor

Has something very interesting in common with this fellow:

what-s-at-stake-for-tom-brady-and-the-patriots-in-the-afc-championship-game

Tom Brady (with blurry background)

You see, both fellows bucked authority and fought the bad guys. McGregor, the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) and Dana White; Brady, the NFL (National Football League) and Roger Goodell.

And this is the funny part, see.

While that looks grand and all that, here’s the thing: It’s all a setup.

In truth, that’s true

The NFL created deflategate for publicity; McGregor said he was going to retire for publicity. See, and many sees, it had nothing to do with the fact that footballs were deflated a few PSI, and it had nothing to do with not wanting to do any more press conferences.

Which means, McGregor and Brady did not buck authority.

That’s right.

They followed authority.

Like mooses in the field.

Following authority

Following authority

So, they’re alike because they follow authority not rebel against it.

What a thing.

I did not see that conclusion coming myself.

Moral: If you’re going to buck authority, don’t do it because you’re following authority. That’s just messed up. And the professor is wise to you, too.

Okay, that’s the professor’s conspiracy theory for today.

PVJ out.

Donald Trump, the Patriots, and Happy 2016

professor speaks

And now the professor will have speaks.

First off, happy new year everyone!

It’s 2016, which doesn’t look at all impressive, you must admit.

See–and I’m sure you agree–2014 looked more impressive.

Don’t you think so?

Yes.

I’m not sure why either. But there it is.

And now this professor has a prediction to make.

Prediction: By 2116, I will own a hoverboard.

Now how neatio is that?

pink-front_2

I hope to get the red model, though.

So, what else should we have speaks about?

Oh yes!

Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

It’s made around $1.5 billion so far. Some say it will be the highest grossing movie of all time, moving ahead of both Avatar (2009) and Titanic (1997). (They are #1 & #2 on the list as of now, see.)

Titanic_poster220px-Avatar-Teaser-Poster

If that happened, it would be an interest. But only for a time and a bit of a time.

This professor hasn’t seen Avatar, Titanic, or Star Wars, can you believe.

But I have seen Lone Survivor (2013), starring Mark Wahlberg, which is pretty awesome.

220px-Lone_Survivor_poster

Should we have speaks about the Patriots? Nah, I can’t stand it, I tell you.

New_England_Patriots2

Losing their last two games! I can’t stand it, I say! *rampages for about two months*

However, it’s also quite interesting that Mr. Donald Trump predicted that the New England Patriots would win Super Bowl 50.

trumpbradytom

Not that anyone cares.

After all, what does Donald Trump know about football? And in particular, the Pats?

At first glance, one might say nothing, like this professor did.

But, consider the following facts: Donald Trump is Tom Brady’s friend, who is Bill Belichick’s friend, who is Clint Eastwood’s friend, who made the film American Sniper (2014), which tells the story about Chris Kyle, who was good friends with Marcus Luttrell, who was portrayed in the film Lone Survivor (2013) by Mark Wahlberg, who is a huge Patriots fan.

Go Patriots.

Thrown out of Gillette Stadium (TPL Story)

Run fast, run true, run for by Charley we need you!

~ Early rhyme from V. Shnodgrate

TPLStoryPic

Here’s the thing: When you leave a place, make sure you leave, and leave.

And that’s exactly what the professor did.

I left.

Really, I left.

And left nothing behind.

Then, I made a trip to Massachusetts. To Foxboro, to be precise. It’s on the way to PT News, see. So, I decided to stop for a bit. Take a breather.

I won’t bother you with all the gory details of the journey. This professor accidentally upset a few people along the way. I think I sang twice. Danced but once. And ate three pickles in a row.

That’s about it.

Now, there was a lot of noise coming from Gillette Stadium, so I made my way there.

Gillette_Stadium01

I tried to get onto the field, but a chap was standing in the way.

“Whoa,” he said, “can’t go in. They’re practicing in there.”

“Who?” I asked.

He looked at me quizzically. “Really? The Patriots, of course.”

“Very good,” I said. “Now, let me in, my man. I’ve got a slice of bone to pick with the troops.”

“What?”

I wasn’t sure what he was getting at, really.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“What did you mean?”

“Well, I’d like to go in, if you don’t mind.”

He huffed. “But I do! You can’t go in there! GOT IT?!”

And he screamed that last part.

“Not yet.” I answered. “Yell a bit louder, please.”

He was about to do something, but at that very minute, Schwarz Tauptinker came by.

And he looked angry. He was staring intently at the guard. In fact, he didn’t even look at this professor.

“You know what,” he said, “I brought you a soda.” Schwarz held it up for inspection.

It was kiddy size.

Unknown

“Now will you let me in, chickit?” he asked.

The guard shook his head.

“If you both don’t get out of here, I’ll arrest you.”

“No you won’t!” Schwarz screamed, and he tried to rush past the guard.

But the guard caught him and they went down together.

That’s when this professor made the move.

I leapt like a gazelle, and went right over the guard and Schwarz.

It wasn’t too big of a leap since they were on the ground and all. But I’m figuring a gazelle would be a bit jealous, because I did it with only two hooves, instead of four.

Capreolus_capreolus_cloven_hoof

Then, I was on the field.

Just like that.

There was this chap standing in the middle of the field throwing balls to another chap down the field.

I joined the chap throwing balls.

It was Tom Brady.

“Your throw is rather accurate,” I said.

“That’s what I train for,” was his curt response.

“Are you a quarterback or a running back?”

He finished throwing the ball. Then he turned and looked at me.

“Idiot. Get off the field.”

I thought about it twice, then decided not to.

Brady turned to me again. “Really? Get the heck out of here. You’re on my field.”

“Your name is Gillette? I didn’t know…”

Then, I got thrown out, can you believe.

Grr.


TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

Wednesday: Professor Speaks

Thursday: OFF — Because Yes

Friday: OFF — All Day Sleep Does

Saturday: OFF — Blue-Footed Boobies Need Fed

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