Posts Tagged 'i have a bikini pick'

IT’S ALL LIES

So.

I haven’t died.

I haven’t joined a secret society of awful funnel-cakin’ poets.

I haven’t assassinated a really important tribal leader who is bent on sacrificing his people to some random volcano.

And I haven’t  * I REPEAT HAVEN’T *

…been up to much, really.

I know. Shocking, isn’t it?

You’d think this professor would be up to all sorts of wickedness and dadblamery. And the truth is, it isn’t true.

When you get old, your limbs don’t work the same as they used to.

And I have a special announcement: I don’t have my lower leg limbs.

At least, they’re not working like they used to. So for the last two years, I’ve been sitting on my couch trying to get to a phone to get help.

Alright, you win.

It’s all lies.

The truth is, I’ve been a bit neglectful.

But has it really been two years?

I’m fairly ancient now.

Dadblameit.

ALRIGHT

Up to this point, I haven’t been honest.

At all.

You may be wondering where is the lie and where is the truth.

Mr. Truth walked out on me a long time ago, and it’s all be lies ever since.

And Mr. Lie (the girl above) has taken Mr. Truth’s place.

For years, I have lied to myself that I’m posting on this blog.

For years, I have lied to myself that I’m young and courageous.

For years, I have lied to myself…just in general.

What is the moral to this tale, you may ask?

It’s simple…when you stop to give it a think or two. 

You mustn’t let Mr. Truth walk out on you.

Thank you.


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