The WORST Thing in the World…!


Let’s be honest for a split second. (Not that I’m not honest for every other second, mind.)

What is the worst thing ever?

You might be tempted to say: Why, the worst thing ever is when a baby lizard is brutally murdered by a snapping turtle who feels encroached upon after eating a hearty breakfast and laying in the sun to aid in the digestion process, which is quite finicky to say the least.

This is true, yes, but you’d be wrong.

That’s second.

The first worst thing is getting up early.

Very early.

Like 4am early.

That’s bad.

So, so dadblame bad.

It goes like this:

The alarm rings and you shut it off. After all, how dare it wake you up?!

Alarm clocks don’t look this nice.

It rings 20 minutes later. Well, it was supposed to ring 20 minutes later, but you’re pretty sure it’s only 5. (Imagine a clock that can’t keep time. What’s this world coming to?)

You crank your head up and stare at the clock. It stares back at you.

“Look here,” you try to reason with it, “I don’t really care if I’m late even though I know I have to be there. After all, sleep is more important than anything else…CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!

The clock shrugs and moves forward a minute.

“Dadblameit, you slug!” you nearly scream. “I need some understanding!”

The insult must make it mad, ’cause it moves 2 whole minutes forward.


What else is there but to beg now?

Tears begin to flow.

Another minute.

“Fine then, you absurd box with red lights, I’m up!”

And thus begins a day.

It’s an early day.

And you’ve already been ticked off (see what I did there) by your clock.

Btdubs, this is a true story.

Moral: I haven’t thought one up yet.

24 Responses to “The WORST Thing in the World…!”

  1. 1 Jacob C. Edwards October 2, 2018 at 05:39

    Some mornings I’m tempted to smash my alarm clock but then I realize that I set it cause I need a *hand* in the morning haha. Also cause my alarm is my phone and I don’t want to damage it.

  2. 2 Hazy May September 12, 2018 at 17:56

    I think it’s a bit worse when you wake up before the alarm rings at the time that it’s supposed to.

  3. 3 L. Marie August 20, 2018 at 12:59

    Four a.m. is too early. In fact, that hour should be erased from existence. Not sure what would take its place though.

  4. 4 Bebekoh August 20, 2018 at 09:07

    4am is when i’m about to go to sleep. Im in bed already, just not asleep yet. If it was me, i’d throw the alarm clock across the room… hahahha!

  5. 5 Debbie August 17, 2018 at 14:45

    Yikes! Four a.m.? Is there really such a thing? Say it isn’t so, Professor! I used to love sleeping late, but because of work, I can’t do that anymore. Plus I have this furry dog who’s getting on in age and insists on going outside before the sun is up.

  6. 8 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 17, 2018 at 02:45

    Maybe waking to Metallica would help. Too much?

  7. 11 Angeline M August 16, 2018 at 21:55

    I’ve been around the clock a few times since last showing my face. I’ve missed the Punchy family, and will set my alarm clock to grope for my iPad to read your witticisms. Only not too early as that makes me throw my clock out the window.

  8. 14 walt walker August 16, 2018 at 14:41

    If that smarmy yellow thingamabob squawked wake up at me I would punch it in the pearly whites. I won’t stand for it.

  9. 17 FictionFan August 15, 2018 at 22:52

    *sobs brokenly over the poor wee lizard*

    The moral of the story is: If you must get up at 4 a.m., don’t go to bed. Throw an all-night party with lots of cake and dancing instead!

    I see you’ve gone purple! I knew you’d grow to love it eventually! *dances*

    • 18 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2018 at 16:58

      Would you try fried lizard?

      But what if you’re sorta still drunk by the time 4am roles around then what? Then what? Answer: you die. But I do like that sound of that.

      It’s my girly side coming out…

  10. 20 Hmmmmm August 15, 2018 at 21:43

    Guns work well in these situations….of course I mean for the clock :-O

  11. 22 Haylee August 15, 2018 at 20:25

    It is the worst!! I used to be like you, mornings were not my friend and if you looked up early in my personal dictionary, it would say ‘any time before 10am’. But I’ve got better – I think it’s an age thing. Still have to hit snooze at least four times though.
    B ‘TDUBS’… I don’t remember giving permission to use my nickname. I shall forward details of where to send royalties ;)

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2018 at 16:57

      10am, in fact, is like the perfect time to get up, right? Right. Good. That’s decided.

      hahahahahahahahah…wait, is that really your nickname?

      • 24 Haylee August 19, 2018 at 19:09

        It is… it’s the initials of my last name. Someone I used to work with came up with it, trying to make me sound gangsta (?!) and it stuck. Even the children at school refer to me as Miss T-Dubs!!

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous

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