So, the professor has been under attack recently.
And I’m running.
Usually I fight.
But I decided to run, just because.
Of course, I shouldn’t run.
There’s something cool about this.
I should fight.
There is a groin shot here.
So, anyways, you see, this is what’s been happening.
People are trying to play matchmaker with the professor, and it’s quite a vexing thing.
See, this is my philosophy on the matter: They see a perfectly dastardly professor who is heartless, filthy, and mean, and they want to change that. So, they try to get him matched up with a girl.
But this won’t work, see. You can’t change the fact that I’m heartless.
Still, it’s like being under attack.
This is what a matchmaker looks like. Goodness.
So, the professor must either hide or go to war.
What should I do?
I think I’ll get violent and throw a revolution.
Would you like to join?
Yo.
The Punchy Lands! 
Oh I’m in! *grabs a baseball bat and a pitchfork*
The pitchfork looks scary. I hope it’s sharp.
All I can say Professor is “Peace brother.”
Nancy
P.S. Can you tell that I’ve been doing a lot of yoga lately? I’ve been feeling rather mellow. :)
*laughing* I can tell this! Well, well, welly. Peace. I like it.
Fight the matchmakers! I’m sure you will find romance of your own free will one of these days, but I don’t believe someone else can match you up.
Quite right. After all, Hector wasn’t matched up, was he?
I think there is nothing for it but a war. Plus, perhaps it you didn’t flirt so terribly, people wouldn’t think you were hunting a mate.
Actually, on second thoughts – why not let them find your nice lady? If I remember correctly you in fact have two hearts – so one could still be pretty filthy.
Well, now here’s the thing: Everyone knows the professor can’t flirt, because he hasn’t a heart. Two hearts? Did I say that? I’ve been told that before, but you know. Now. The professor is so filthy, you wouldn’t believe it.
I would believe it, as you well know.
Some of us are just heartless, see. *looks for heart but can’t find it*
You have to quit being Tony Starks and become Captain America. Well let me back up. First you must become an avenger. That way if people think you are a super hero busy saving the world then they won’t think you need a mate, unless you are Hawkeyes…but I digress. Then once you are a super hero you need a conflicting character, the TPL version of Bucky and all the while in the background somewhere there is a plot afoot. Once all of this is a brew, then decide where you stand. Now you might indulge yourself and give the appearance that you might fall in love but go back to saving the world and we will forget all about you needing a mate.
See. Quite simple my friend.
Well, when you put it like that it seems simple. But…but…but…now, seriously. For instance, I’d rather be a villain than a hero. What about that? And isn’t TS cooler than Captain America?
I have to agree with you TS is way cooler than CA but everybody loves CA. So, the question is would you rather be loved or irk people’s eternal nerves, cuz no one fears TS.
I’d like to irk everyone’s nerves! Plus, if I was TS I’d fly about and blow things up. They’d fear me then.
I’LL BEAT ‘EM UP FOR YOU! GIMME THEIR NAME…I’LL HUNT THOSE BULLIES DOWN!
Haha! Thank you bunches! Here…a full list of them. Go destroy them, please, please, and many pleases.
It’s already been done, don’t worry. I was way ahead of you ;P
Whoa. Did they die screaming?
Yes. It was very painful, for gory dying all around.
Wow. I’m proud of your efforts, the sudden. I’ll keep you in mind when I need some sort of stuff like that done again.
*sweeping bow* Why of course
*bows just because*
*curtsies*
==[:-{)
Professor, you are a warrior, but those younglings?! How could you? They are younglings. Innocent. They should be taking baths and cuddling cuddlies, yes?
Well. I suppose. But…shouldn’t someone teach them the art of warfare?
Did you ever hear of the “Tender Trap”? Your under attack for sure. Be clever be professorish that will solve it I hope. Not surprising after all you are a cute Professor. ;- ) Debbie you’re right on!!!
No, what’s a Tender Trap? No trap that is tender could trap the professor.
Hide for heaven’s sake.
Hide me for all heaven’s sake!
I definitely think a revolution is in order!
Having had well-meaning friends go the matchmaking route on me (even to the point of stealth matchmaking, in which I receive an invitation to dinner without being told that someone eligible also was invited; very awkward). So yes, run, and throw a breezy “Thanks, but no thanks” over your shoulder.
No way! Really? Okay, then, you need to join the revolution with me. You can be General. But you must bring the horses and capes. Deal?
General? Yes! I’ll bring half the horses and capes. You must bring the other half. And the snacks.
Deal. We shall defeat everyone, Linda. No worries.
I would say let them, but thats not your style. Keep being heartless then… ;)
Yes, you must help me. Write letters of wrath to them, please.
Letters of wrath? LOL! I haven’t written that kind of letter before… Maybe you can write something up and we’ll copy (oops) / refer from that… :P
Okay. They’re not too hard to write. Just make them mean and cranky, see.
That doesn’t sound mean or cranky… anything else? :)
Umm…yes, make sure to make it heartless!
Can’t fight the fever!
Oh yes I can! *takes Motrin*
Become a Shaolin monk, then nobody can marry you off and you get to stay a warrior for all time.
That said, hearts of stone often find they like being wrapped up in something warm and cosy once they get used to it. You did moan about being cold after all! Perhaps audition the suitors with some skill-based challenges. Much more interesting than swiping left!
Hahaha…you’re full of good points, the sudden. Dadblameit. Well…well…but I was cold because my eyes were cold. See. That’s the thing. I’m heartless. So my heart couldn’t have been cold… I think…
I do like the audition idea. First, fight with katanas. To the death!
I told you, I’m on a roll with wisdom at the moment. Perhaps I should become an agony aunt! I do like breaking through (metaphorical) barriers 😉
I’m not sure ‘to the death’ is very gentlemanly Professor! Surely the whole Roman emperor, ‘thumbs down’ would be painful enough for the lady’s pride?
I know! I’m going to make you one of my advisors, the sudden. *signs the paper* Okay.
You might have a point. Should I make them a bit better? The auditions, I mean. Like playing football for instance.
Ooh, advisor to the Professor. I like that job title!
I assume you mean that game with body armour and not soccer – I’m not sure playing it would help the decision. Now getting them to explain the rules (particularly the off-side rule) is a good indicator of a true sports fan. And problem solving – that’s always good to see how they’d cope in a disaster. Come to think of it, a military grade, physical assault course whilst you fire random questions of importance at them would be ideal. I should start my own dating agency!
Or, you could just take them out for a nice meal…
*laughs* You mean real football? Yes, yes, that’s it. That sounds good. So, almost like a boot camp sorta thing with intense questions? See how they hold up. Make them do pull-ups. That sort of thing. I dig this.
Dinner? Just when you had such an excellent plan. But then they’ll like me, see.
That’s the plan… and you might like them back! At the very least the meal could be a prize for getting through the boot camp. They’ll need sustenance and I think you can afford to give them 45 mins of your time. (I judge this to be the required length of time to order, eat and leave without getting indigestion.)
Dadblameit. Wait…if they go through the boot camp…maybe they go out with you first? You know. Weed them out.
Okay… On one condition: You have to be linked to me via a headset and tell me what to say. It’s no good me dazzling them with MY scintillating conversational skills, it would all become very messy in the long run!
Oh, that’s cool! Deal! We’d be like spies from the movies. Niceness. I dig. Bril.
We are in desperate need of eligible batchelors. Your friends are butinski’s but they mean well. I would suggest on your blind date you wear rag and bone, no socks. Bring a flower, that’s always sweet. If she orders Lobster tail and creme brulee make her split the bill, once word gets out that should solve the problem.
*laughing lots* What’s a butinski? That sounds sorta vicious, you know. And scary! Yes, I think I’d have her foot the bill if she ordered that. No splitting. That’s too kind for me. Then again, I’ll have you take her out, I’m thinking.
Suggest she cook in for you, have her stop at the market and pick up some steaks. She’ll love you for it.:D
Haha. Are you sure she’d love that?
Trust me!
Doesn’t Ka say that?
Ka stole that from me.
Let’s hunt her.
I am game, ready to go on the hunt…who is Ka, is she really mean…I’m not that good at that.
She’s a wicked snake that sheds lots of skin. And has a funny looking tongue.
I think she lives next door to me.
Goodness. You might need to hunt her then.
A butinski is some one who butts in where they aren’t needed. :)
*laughs* I love it! I think I know a few of those fellows, too.
They’re everywhere
We should hunt them.
If you like things the way they are and don’t want them to change then forget what others say or try to do. If they are really your friends they will respect how you feel and leave you alone.
Maybe you can send them all letters? That are all vicious and whatnot. *nods*
Why don’t you do it?
Cause I’ll end up body slamming someone, I fear.
I see – well that’s not good.
But body slamming is fun, you know.
I’m 5’3″ and only weigh about 103 lbs – body slamming does not sound like something I should be doing.
Well…yes…and no. See, it’s much more dangerous for bigger chaps. They hit hard, see.
I understand but if one of those big chaps hits me hard I’m likely to go flying which means I will eventually fall down. All of that sounds very painful.
But falling isn’t too painful. If you fall right, of course. Not that I know how to fall.
I suppose if you fall and are wearing a parachute it wouldn’t be painful. So the moral is if you want to body slam someone wear a parachute in case you fly.
Ah! I love this moral. It’s so true, too. We should get it copyrighted.
All we gotta do is put this symbol on it © and it’s copyrighted! Easy!
Now that is perfect. I really dig it. It’s easy to do, in fact.
Yes sir!
I’m quite excited, the sudden.
Well, maybe you shouldn’t dress so well and shower very often, your friends wouldn’t try setting you up with a woman then, I bet.
I think causing a riot or revolution would only draw more attention to you causing strong women to chase you. Ones that kick like the dynamic duo up top there…
*laughs* Hm. I like that. Okay. I’ll only shower once a month now, then. Instead of once a week. Do you suppose that will fetch it?
Hahaha. Okay, then. We must build an army to protect me. Of orcs maybe?
I suppose it’s a start, Duke. Maybe carry a few snails behind your ears, as well.
Orcs freak me out..I wouldn’t get close, so seems the perfect plan.
Snails. I like snails. But they’re slimy, you know.
Well, maybe if I turned into an orc…! Imagine that.
Yes, they are slimy. I’ve seen the trail they make as they journey across a window. If you turned into an orc?! You would be free of any woman who wasn’t also an orc. Maybe an orc woman is just what you need!
Are there orc women tho? We can’t be sure, see. Imagine that!
Professor, that’s typically what happens when young adults reach a “certain age” and aren’t attached to a significant other — folks start trying to set them up with someone “who will be perfect for you.” They do it with young women, too. Sometimes it works out, and you find someone fun to be with; other times, it’s dreadful. I say that, regardless of how noble their intentions are, they should probably mind their own business — unless you ask for help! I’m big on not making decisions for others because if things don’t work out, I don’t want the blame. Besides, despite your meanness and heartlessness, you’re talented, witty, charming, attractive…oh, golly, I should shut up before your head swells! Better keep running, sir!
You’re so right. Certain age dadblamery! But, I am heartless and rather filthy about the edges. That should scare people away. But it doesn’t. Oh well. I think I’ll just have to invest in some mortars? That might do the trick?
It’s not the Professor I’m worried about – it’s the poor girl! Goodness! Every time she got all dressed up for a date, she’d get a last minute message saying you’d gone off to steal something or fight something! And if you went out for a meal… well, the Professor’s track record in restaurants is not good! And she’d have to get to know your friends – imagine having to put up with Shnoddy reciting impenetrable poetry at her, or being afraid that Manly Man would throw her in the bathtub! Admittedly, she’d get to meet Schwarzy… *swoons*… but is that a good thing? We all know what the Professor’s like when he gets jealous…
Nah, you should keep running… for the benefit of womankind! *nods feministically*
*laughs* I do like that estimation of the process you give, FEF. It’s true. I don’t think I’d be really good at dating and all that. It’s best not to do it, then, see. Then again, if there was a date on a battleship. Now that would be something, wouldn’t you say?
The feminists love me, don’t you know.
Oh, you’d be fine at it after a bit of practice – the girls would soon train you up! I once went to a party on a battleship, you know, you know…
Yes, you give them a reason to exist…
*mouth drops* You did? What battleship? Where? Tell me everything!
They’re fun to war against, too. *wars*
D’you know, after I typed that comment I had a horrid feeling I’d told you that story before – have I? Anyway… back when I was under 21, the HMS Glasgow came into port in Glasgow and the officers decided to throw a party for the men. But since there were no women on board, they contacted the people I worked with back then – a huge office full of girls and women – and invited us along. So off we all went! It was half great fun and half a dreadful experience – we didn’t know what battleships were like inside, and believe me going up and down those silly ladders in a party frock and high heels is no fun at all!! And of course there were no ladies toilets… *chuckles reminiscently*
*fears for the Professor* smh
I’ve never heard that story before! Brilliant. Were the officers and sailors nice? Battleships are so huge, it’s crazy, I think. Wait…there were no toilets?
I’m already dead, tis okay.
The officers were nice, but seemed very ancient and remote to baby FF (I think I was about 17). The sailors were sweet – very, very young and shy most of them seemed, and not quite sure how to cope with hordes of girls invading their territiory. It was all a very odd experience, really! No ladies toilets! At that time women weren’t allowed to serve aboard ships in the navy. So we had to use the sailors’s toilets – not quite as plush and luxurious as we ladies prefer, you know, you know… not to mention it involved going up another of those pesky ladders to get there… *chuckles*
That won’t stop the feminists… *shudders*
*laughs* Baby FEF! 17 is pretty old, mind you. Were they younger than 17 at the time? I know that’d be a thing. After all, their safe place was invaded by women. That’s a cause for panic, I imagine. I’d probably have jumped overboard. Or gone to the city to cause some problems. That sort of thing. *laughing lots* You know, till just know I had no idea ladies had their own special toilets. I’ll have to secretly conduct a spy mission to the next ladies room I come across.
Oh yes it will! *stomps foot*
*laughs* That depends on one’s perspective! Nah, they were probably about the same age as us but at that age boys are so much younger seeming than girls. We did try to persuade the officers to let them come ashore and go dancing with us, but the officers were having none of it, I fear – spoilsports! *laughs lots and lots* Oh no – you’ll be arrested for real!! You shall just have to imagine the luxury…
I think boys stay kids forever. Well, maybe not. That’s why I’m glad I’m a professor, see. Professors don’t have to worry about that sort of thing. How wicked the officers were. You should’ve snuck the boys ashore! Imagine. Like a secret mission. Well, there’s a new law or something…I can actually go in the ladies room over here now! Haha.
This is true – you were born ancient! We would have but they might have been shot for desertion and that might have put a bit of a downer on the night… *laughs* Yes, but don’t you have to “identify” as female or something? Let me know if you’d like to borrow a frock…
I’m so ancient even the pyramids can’t believe it! Yo. Oh. Yeah, that might have ruined the night, I suppose. These are the consequences I never think on, see. Yes, I’d have to, first. But still…
I bet you once lived in Skara Brae! It wasn’t a problem the night we went out with the Dublin Fire Brigade, though…
You could wear a kilt!
Ooo…that sounds like a neatio place, I must admit. Dublin Fire Brigade! You were in Ireland?
*laughs* No, they were in Glasgow. Though I have been to Ireland several times – just a few miles away, really.
Do you fly or take a boat? Or…is there a super cool bridge!!
Ferry – that way you can take your own car. It’s fun to go from Scotland to Northern Ireland, than drive all the way down south, get the ferry back over to Wales and drive back up through England…
Haha! That sounds like a lot of fun. Hey, do you have a lot of roundabouts in Scotland?
We do! In fact, there’s a mini-roundabout just outside my house and another at the end of the street. Why?
Cool! Well, they’re starting to appear over here, interestingly enough. Confusing things.
I like them, so long as they’re not huge 5-lane ones. When I tried driving in Canada, I remember asking my uncle who had right of way at their strange non-roundabout junctions, to which he replied ” Whoever’s bravest”… not reassuring!
*laughing* Five lane! That’s crazy huge. A lot of my friends dislike them, ’cause they say they’re confusing and whatnot. My dad’s an engineer and thinks they’re amazing. A marvel of engineering. It’s odd going in circles, I must admit.
There’s a huge five-lane double roundabout on the road between here and BUS’s place – took me about four trips before I could work out how to get round it right first time! They are amazing though – great for cutting down on traffic congestion and speeding up journey times.
Five-lane double roundabout? I would drive in and never get out, you know. I’m thinking I’d have to take a helicopter to BUS’s house.