Posts Tagged 'PVJ'

Why Conor McGregor is like Tom Brady

professor speaks


So, this professor just thought he should say a few words about it.

Not that it matters much one way or another.

But this fellow:


Conor McGregor

Has something very interesting in common with this fellow:


Tom Brady (with blurry background)

You see, both fellows bucked authority and fought the bad guys. McGregor, the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) and Dana White; Brady, the NFL (National Football League) and Roger Goodell.

And this is the funny part, see.

While that looks grand and all that, here’s the thing: It’s all a setup.

In truth, that’s true

The NFL created deflategate for publicity; McGregor said he was going to retire for publicity. See, and many sees, it had nothing to do with the fact that footballs were deflated a few PSI, and it had nothing to do with not wanting to do any more press conferences.

Which means, McGregor and Brady did not buck authority.

That’s right.

They followed authority.

Like mooses in the field.

Following authority

Following authority

So, they’re alike because they follow authority not rebel against it.

What a thing.

I did not see that conclusion coming myself.

Moral: If you’re going to buck authority, don’t do it because you’re following authority. That’s just messed up. And the professor is wise to you, too.

Okay, that’s the professor’s conspiracy theory for today.

PVJ out.


What Should The Professor Do?

So, the professor has been under attack recently.

And I’m running.

Usually I fight.

But I decided to run, just because.

Of course, I shouldn’t run.


There’s something cool about this.

I should fight.


There is a groin shot here.

So, anyways, you see, this is what’s been happening.

People are trying to play matchmaker with the professor, and it’s quite a vexing thing.

See, this is my philosophy on the matter: They see a perfectly dastardly professor who is heartless, filthy, and mean, and they want to change that. So, they try to get him matched up with a girl.

But this won’t work, see. You can’t change the fact that I’m heartless.

Still, it’s like being under attack.

This is what a matchmaker looks like. Goodness.

This is what a matchmaker looks like. Goodness.

So, the professor must either hide or go to war.

What should I do?

I think I’ll get violent and throw a revolution.

Would you like to join?


So Cold…I Lied

professor speaks

The professor put on a t-shirt, then a dress shirt, then a sweater vest, then a velvet jacket.

I did this ’cause it was sorta cold out, you know.

And like Scrooge says, garments were invented to protect against cold.


Though I sorta doubt this, the sudden. See, the garments didn’t do too much to protect against the cold, I felt. Then again, I’m sure it was better than nothing.

See? Every story has two sides. I persuade myself freely from side to side, depending on my mood at the hour, minute, or even second.

Anyways and a sum of half the total, this professor was on the march through a college campus.

It was lightly snowing and quite gray outside, see.

I hear that muscles shiver to protect against the cold. You know, they sorta shiver to build up heat. This is wrong of them. If they didn’t shiver, I wouldn’t be cold. See, shivering causes my coldness.

This is a fact.

Then I ran into a group of students, I think.

“Where are you going?” one asked.

Sorta brazen, I thought.

“Too far in this weather,” I answered.


“Yeah, where?” another joined in.

I find that when you’re getting asked lots and lots of questions, the best thing to do is talk lots and lots. This stops your attacker from asking more questions.

But don’t you know, at that exact moment, my mouth was too cold to move much.

Dadblame the weather.

“What’s in the bag?” one of the girls asked.

And I was carrying a bag.

Okay, it didn't look like this, obviously. But this is what came up first for secret bag...let me have another locketh...

Okay, it didn’t look like this, obviously. But this is what came up first for secret bag…let me have another locketh…

This isn't right either. I assure you.

This isn’t right either. I assure you.

Aha! This is something like what I was carrying.

Aha! This is something like what I was carrying.

So, what was in the bag?

“Enough dynamite to blow up your college, I fear.”

That fetched them.

They were off in a jiffy–which I hear is a tenth of a second.

And this professor was alone again.

Few seconds later, a police car sorta pulled up.

Lesson: Don’t make up dangerous lies.

Moral: If you lie, make sure everyone knows it’s a lie.

Rats and a Heifer.

I’ve decided I lied because I was so cold.



Dodgeball Tournament

So, just recently, the professor played a dodgeball tournament.

Yes, I did.

No laughing, please.

I wasn’t that embarrassing.

See, I had some good moves and whatnot.

But, here’s the thing:

When the dodgeball looks like this…


…it’s hard to do much harm with it.

It should be like this great, red, and fiery thingy:

A classic dodgeball isolated on white shows the crosshatch patterns used for grips.

A classic dodgeball isolated on white shows the crosshatch patterns used for grips.

I didn’t write that bit under the picture. It sounds too professional for me, don’t you know. Still, I do wish they would’ve used real dodgeballs. What’s up with that?! Dadblameit.

Anyways and a sum more than you were thinking, my team lost twice.

And this professor had the hardest time throwing.

I’m a lefty, see.

In jiu-jitsu this fellow sorta bent my left arm at this weird angle.

It hung limply for months.

Not really. But it still hurts.

I think I have nerve, ligament, muscle, bone, and many other damages, mind you.

Moral: Don’t ever hire the professor to play on your dodgeball team.

Snowing, Veggies, and Hot Dogs…

professor speaks

And so, it begins…


(Isn’t that what you think of every time someone says that? Théoden was so useless in that battle, I can’t believe it.)

But, I meant something differently different:


Picture from the Professor Office.

Yes, it’s snowing. Again.

Not that there’s been too much snow. But really. Couldn’t it snow in December? At Christmas?

As it is now this professor is already ready for spring. In truth, that’s true.

*double sighs for everyone*

Anyways and some, I must, the sudden, show you two similar looking things that are really not the same. At least, I don’t think they’re the same.



Now, look here, both are green and oblong, but they taste remarkably different.

This is a good lesson, you see. It goes to show you that you can be similar to another thing, but you probably taste differently.

That’s why they say,

“No two pigs are the same; no two pieces of bacon taste the same.”*

Enough of that. It borderlines on dadblamery.

One more thing.

I came across this picture the other day.


Now, do you suppose this is a hot dog? Goodness.

I bet that chap in the bun tastes nothing like a hotdog. Which goes to show you that even if you try to look the same, you’ll still be different, because not only do you not taste the same, you don’t look the same either. #ProfessorishLogic

Wait. Having another thought.

If two things that look the same taste differently [i.e. Mr. Zucchini and Mr. Cucumber], does that mean that two things that look differently taste the same?! Wow. Mind blown. #NewProfessorishTheory

In conclusion, that chap in the bun tastes like a hotdog.

*I’m sure someone somewhere said this, aren’t you?

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Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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