Posts Tagged 'Yes'

Why Conor McGregor is like Tom Brady

professor speaks

Okay.

So, this professor just thought he should say a few words about it.

Not that it matters much one way or another.

But this fellow:

011316-ufc-Conor-McGregor-pi-mp.vresize.1200.675.high.25

Conor McGregor

Has something very interesting in common with this fellow:

what-s-at-stake-for-tom-brady-and-the-patriots-in-the-afc-championship-game

Tom Brady (with blurry background)

You see, both fellows bucked authority and fought the bad guys. McGregor, the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) and Dana White; Brady, the NFL (National Football League) and Roger Goodell.

And this is the funny part, see.

While that looks grand and all that, here’s the thing: It’s all a setup.

In truth, that’s true

The NFL created deflategate for publicity; McGregor said he was going to retire for publicity. See, and many sees, it had nothing to do with the fact that footballs were deflated a few PSI, and it had nothing to do with not wanting to do any more press conferences.

Which means, McGregor and Brady did not buck authority.

That’s right.

They followed authority.

Like mooses in the field.

Following authority

Following authority

So, they’re alike because they follow authority not rebel against it.

What a thing.

I did not see that conclusion coming myself.

Moral: If you’re going to buck authority, don’t do it because you’re following authority. That’s just messed up. And the professor is wise to you, too.

Okay, that’s the professor’s conspiracy theory for today.

PVJ out.

Advertisements

How To Get Rid of Unwanted Food At Dinner

professor speaks

There was a dog running about the place.

That’s always a good thing when you’re over someone’s house at dinner.

See, if you get served something that is ugly, you can get rid of it in a hurry or two.

Or three hurries–if it’s real bad.

I bet this is set-up, this picture.

I bet this is set-up, this picture.

“You can sit here, PVJ,” she said, pulling out my chair.

I sat. Just because it’s the polite thing to do. Usually I like to feel the cushion before sitting, but I didn’t. The professor was trying to be polite, see.

#PoliteStinks

It was a puffy chair. You know, one of those dadblame things that sorta push you higher, even though you want to sit lower.

My legs were touching the bottom of the table.

This wasn’t good. There was no way to sneak food under the table to the dog in this position.

Dadblameit.

Everyone took their seats. There were about 8 people. That’s not bad. With that many people, one doesn’t need to worry about conversation, see.

I would’ve leaned back and relaxed, but my legs were sorta stuck. It was an issue, I tell you.

“Everyone seated?” she asked.

It was a silly question; an obvious question; a question that shouldn’t have been asked.

‘She’ was the hostess, see. Her husband sat next to her.

We were all served this mushy stuff. And I had to get rid of it.

I did take a taste. Now it was the dog’s turn.

The problem was this: The dog was sitting in the corner, not too far from me, but far enough.

I beckoned to him. Nothing.

“So, PVJ, how’s your work coming?”

“Good,” I answered quickly. “But it’s not worth talking about, since it happened earlier and this is later.”

It was a terse answer, but I was trying to make eye contact with the dog. I couldn’t be bothered.

There were some mutterings from the guests. But I listened not.

I motioned to the dog. Again. This time, he stood into a sitting position. (Only dogs can pull that off, you know.)

“Why are you waving at the dog?” one fellow asked.

“Oh…just saying hi to everyone is all.”

“So, PVJ…” 

Same woman as before.

“What do you do for work?”

See, women always seem to ask leading questions or fake questions. You know, it’s like they’re gearing up or getting ready to ask the big one. But they’re just not brave enough to come out and ask it.

“I’m not really sure.”

And this professor beckoned the dog again. I was trying to be discrete, but that was over as soon as the dog bounded over to me, jumped up, and buried his head into my plate.

That worked well. I wouldn’t have to eat any of it.

#ProfessorWins

“What a misbehaved dog,” I noted. “I can’t believe this mess.”

“That’s okay,” the hostess replied. “We’ve got plenty more food.”

Dadblameit. 

Why Snakes Get a Bum Rap

Now, the professor is thinking about snakes, the sudden.

And it’s all Mr. Walt Walker’s fault.

He should be blamed completely.

professor speaks

But anyways and some, snakes get a bum rap.

See, look at this beauty for example:

tumblr_inline_nd7or7AC9G1rdr1mg

Python, don’t you know. A green one, too.

This chap is just chilling, hanging out by himself, all wrapped up in a circle. Which is a neat thing. After all, it’s hard to hang out in a circle.

Now, if you make him cranky, he might do a bit of this thing:

969efd820fae19f9863554feb88f1b78

Haha! Only four teeth–poor thingy. Maybe even two…can’t tell…

Also, look at this! If the professor was a snake…this would be it…

ja08-FWW-p40LIVErev-sb

Then there’s this chap, hanging out in the circle (copying the python, see) and throwing his tongue about loosely:

Agkistrodon_contortrix_contortrix_CDC-a

Here’s a bad boy, who enjoys spitting:

image_1595_1e-King-cobra

And last but not least, a very old snake. Very old. Older than the professor even.

Older than...yeah.

Older than…yeah.

(If you’re interested in that chap, read this.)

So, see, then? Snakes are sweeter than cherry cigars.


Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email!

Join 1,867 other followers

Follow The Punchy Lands! on WordPress.com

Blog Stats

  • 116,581 hits

Join the Professor on Twitter!

Professorish Smiley:

==[:-{)=

or

==[:-{)+

Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous

Advertisements

%d bloggers like this: