Posts Tagged 'yo'

Crashing Safely is Key

They say you fear what you don’t know. It’s true: I’ve always feared history class.

 V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

UntitledSo, here’s the thing: There’s a first time for everything.

Which is kinda true. See, there’s a first time for everything, individualistically speaking, mind you.

For instance, the professor was on an intergalactic flight that was going down.

First time for me.

But I’m sure it wasn’t the first time something like this had happened.

7241312_star-wars-the-force-awakens-crushes-jurassic_2fb93552_m

(Real really quick: the professor actually search for “intergalactic flights wrecking” and the above picture is all I got. Possibly, then, this intergalactic flight going down was a first all around.)

#FeelingSpecial

Anyways and some, Flight #10 was going down.

And I was on it.

That was a dadblame problem.

The Briefcase Lady was gone.

And the briefcase was still there.

That was another dadblame problem.

dadblameit

See, she told me to take the briefcase if something happened.

Now, that’s really quite a thing. See, sounds like some sort of super-epic spy plot. And, of course, the professor wanted no part of it. (I’m boring, remember.)

So, I did the only thing that should be done:

I searched the briefcase quick as a non-wink–since not winking is faster than winking, you know–found nothing but a jar of sweet cherries, and thieved them right away.

Unknown

It was a Score 1 for the professor. I love cherries. At least, I had something to eat before I died. Yo.

And I was about to start on those cherries, when Manly-Man’s voice blared through the speakers:

“Hey, we’s going to make a crash landing. Please hold on.”

And hold on, I did.

Now, the remarkable thing is this: Flight #10 did crash, but it wasn’t fatal. Points to Manly-Man on that one.

When we did sorta touchdown on Honi Planet, there were lots of celebrations (even some dancing) from the passengers.

gronkdance_medium

Touchdown dance

The professor didn’t dance, mind you.

So, once the flight was landed and everything, all the passengers were taken into custody by the Honi Police to answer some “questions”.

Go figure.

See, here’s the thing: Apparently, you’re a villain if you survive an almost disaster.

I put the sweet cherries in my pack–for later.

Still, points to Manly-Man on saving the day, see.

PL Symbol

Advertisements

Honi Planet

The more folly you have, the more wise you can possibly become. 

V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

UntitledThe door opened (with a ding, mind) and the mass of humanity moved forward.

Now, here’s the thing: It was so dark, I couldn’t see a thing. The path we were supposed to follow, however, was lit up by blue lights.

That was convenient, I must say. After all, without those lights, I probably would have tripped or fallen a few hundred times.

So good of them to include those.

I must’ve stopped for a minute or two, ’cause the lady behind me (you know, the one with the huge briefcase) gave me a friendly tap.

“Keep moving!” she said, quietly.

And I did, of course.

Okay, so I’ll be honest with you: The launch chairs surprised the grubs out of my ears.

Really.

Grubs almost look like noodles.

Grubs almost look like noodles.

The launch chairs were in rows. And there was a sort of canopy above each row. What a thing.

When the line stopped moving, I was in front of a chair.

And the professor did what the professor knew he had to do.

I stowed my pack in the basket below the seat, and sat down. (The seat was sorta web-y. That’s how it felt, at least. Like outdoor furniture, see.)

And I buckled in, too, because. Just because.

The lady with the huge briefcase barely got that mammoth stowed under her seat, but she managed it.

A veteran of the huge briefcase, truly.

Then she took her seat. Within minutes, everyone was seated.

That’s when the voice came back, because we’d all missed it:

Intergalactic Flight 10 is about to Launch. Green light.

And that’s when the rows left the ground, leaving my feet to dangle helplessly in the dark air, like a bunch of butterflies caught in a net.

nabokov1

This chap has been at the art of butterfly catching for years, see.

And we were moving, through the blackness.

I turned to the lady next to me.

“Where are we going?”

She leaned close and whispered: “We’re being carried to our launch ship.”

And she was right. We entered into some sort of rocket looking thingy (tough to see ’cause of the light, mind). Each row was above another row. And yes, the feet were still dangling.

Sorta like this:

be15987ed30907196bb583d91ef17ae2

Then there was a hiss and shout as the rocket closed us in.

Trapped, we were.

Dark, it was.

That’s when there was a loud boom, and we sorta blasted off at that point, I bet.

It was sorta enjoyable.

After a bit, lights came on, and a voice came over the loudspeakers:

“Hey, honeys, this is Manly-Man and I’s your Captain for the flight. We should be landing on Honi Planet in a little bit. Okay. Bye.”

Great. What could possibly go wrong with him as the pilot?

I decided to forget about it. See, I wiped the whole thing from my memory system. Done.

Honi Planet. Capital of the Honi Galaxy.

The thing was, The Punchy Lands was usually left alone by the Honi Empire. Even though, TPL was technically part of the empire, and therefore subject to them, it certainly didn’t seem that way.

That’s when the professor was tapped on the arm.

“Hey,” the lady with the huge briefcase said. “I know this is strange…but if anything happens to me…and you’re around…make sure my briefcase doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.”

“Who has the wrong hands?” 

A just question, I thought.

But she turned away. Wouldn’t answer.

I got out Shakespeare, then.

MTE1ODA0OTcxNzgzMzkwNzMz

And it must’ve worked, ’cause the next thing I remember was a bunch of screaming, and alarms blaring, and Manly-Man’s voice breaking up over the line:

“We’s been hit, honeybuttses. H—o–l–d…”

I looked next to me.

The lady with the huge briefcase was gone.

But her briefcase wasn’t.

PL Symbol

Oranges are orange; Yellows are…

professor speaks

Okay.

So, there’s this problem, see.

And I can’t understand it for the life of me, double-see.

You must help me out, PF.

Here it is.

I present to you the color orange:

images

And, here’s an orange:

tumblr_lfpoa8GIdg1qc700b

Further, I present the color yellow:

images-1

Lemon-Whole-Split

And that, my fellows, right up there, is a yellow, right? No!

See, it’s a lemon not a yellow.

Where’s the sense in that, I ask?

Where?!

It leaves me bewildered and confused, in truth.

What will aliens think when they get to earth and learn of such things?

Dadblameit.

TPL’s Birthday (The Professor Appears)

So, happy birthday, everyone.

You see, it’s TPL’s 3rd birthday.

My.

I thought it was older, but it isn’t.

It’s only 3.

Feels like I’ve known all you awesome folks for well over 50 years.

We’re all very old.

Let’s just accept it.

It’s great to be old.

Anyways and some.

Everyone always thinks this professor has a long gray or white beard.

I don’t.

You should know this.

After all, we’ve known each other long enough.

Also, t-shirts can be dressy.

I’ll prove it.

Many loves, kisses, and hugs to you all!

*goes out to eat cake*

You’ll each get a piece.

Oh, The Last Samurai soundtrack might make me cry. Forget I said that.

So, yeah, there was supposed to be a video here…but I haven’t time. I must go play oboe in a pit of snakes.

See you soon, loves.

PVJ

Racing About

They say if you run, make sure to finish the race; but I say, if you run, make sure your legs don’t give out.

V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

Untitled“Give us the katana now, bud,” Bud Parker said, stepping forward.

“You better do!” Schwarz Tauptinker said.

So, this professor did.

“Here you go, I say.” And I handed the katana to Schwarz.

See, I handed it to him just because I wanted to make trouble.

Here’s the thing: The professor loves making trouble.

Just like this fellow:

muikabochi_2803

Now, you may ask why the giving of the katana to Schwarz would cause trouble. And this is it: Bud Parker wants it.

This will make him unhappy–that I handed it to Schwarz.

Schwarz took the katana and held it close, like a precious baby.

pet-sematary-1989-movie-8

“Just like that?” Parker asked, looking from me to the fake katana Schwarz now held.

“Just like that,” I said, sudden-like. “This professor is sick, tired, and sick of carrying it here, there, and everywhere. I’ve been attacked and maybe even killed for it. So, take the dadblame thing, I say.”

And I turned on my heel and strode away, deeper into the palace, like I knew where I was going–but I didn’t.

Then it hit me, of course.

Things always hit me later than they should. Many dadblameits about that.

This is like a late hit, see.

This is like a late hit, see.

See, Prince Beef would never forgive me if I didn’t return the katana to him.

Rats and a Heifer! I had to go back and get it.

I turned on my heel again and strode back to where Parker and Schwarz were.

They were fighting over the katana.

“It’s mine!” Schwarz yelled, raking Parker across the face with his hand.

Parker yelled out, and ducked, clutching his face. “Bud! Why’d you do that?”

“Mine, mine, mine!” Schwarz chanted as he made off with the katana.

Parker and I were on the chase within a tick or two.

And there we were, racing down the halls of Prince Beef’s palace.

It was a mad race, too.

Here.

There.

Corner cut there.

Super loop going on over here.

It was dastardly.

It must’ve looked fun because eventually we were joined by palace guards.

“Bud,” Parker breathed hard to me (we were running side by side), “do you think they’re after us?”

I looked behind for a split thingy.

About 40 guards all yelling for us to “desist and stop.”

“Nah, definitely after Schwarz.”

Parker nodded.

And we kept running.

But then Schwarz entered a room without another exit.

It was the throne room.

Filled with more palace guards, Clara Higgins, Schwarz’s sister, Gertrude, and the prince himself…

PL Symbol


TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

Wednesday: Professor Speaks

Thursday: OFF — Because Yes

Friday: OFF — All Day Sleep Does

Saturday: OFF — Blue-Footed Boobies Need Fed

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email!

Join 1,873 other followers

Follow The Punchy Lands! on WordPress.com

Blog Stats

  • 115,253 hits

Join the Professor on Twitter!

Professorish Smiley:

==[:-{)=

or

==[:-{)+

Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


%d bloggers like this: